removals and despair

[llywela]

Big thanks to everyone who replied to my last post. I started to reply individually, but then barely got near the PC over the last couple of days. It's lovely to know that everyone cares, especially on a day when people in general have been annoying me intensely!

Have spent the last two days helping my parents, brother and Small Sis move house. Can't remember when I've been so exhausted, although today not as bad as yesterday. Still feel a bit like a stunned penguin, barely able to think.

House removals are both exhausting and depressing. What's especially depressing is how much they still haven't taken out of the old house. Starting to feel like I will be living with their clutter forevermore.

My brother's room is especially depressing. He's very obsessive compulsive and never throws anything away, so extracting him from the room and persuading him to sort through his junk and bin even some of it has been an absolute nightmare. Just getting to the point of being able to get the bed out of the room took a herculean effort! I can't begin to describe the entire miserable process, because I'll just depress myself. But I will relate this one exchange, from which you will easily gather the general gist.

We were trying to get the bed clear, so it could be dismantled for transport. There was junk piled up all around it - years' worth of letters (both opened and unopened), carrier bags, clothes, magazines, old bubble wrap, random rubbish, etc, etc just heaped up all around, because Mum went on strike years ago and refused to go into the room to clean it and S doesn't seem to mind living in squalor. Exigency (and me!) forced him to start sorting in recent weeks because of the move, but it has been like pulling teeth ('you really should have started sorting this stuff months ago' he was told at one point yesterday. 'But we weren't moving months ago,' he said. That house was bought last September - they've been preparing for the move ever since! He lives in an impenetrable world of his own and has absolutely no concept of time or its passage). What feels like tons and tons of DVDs, books and comics have already been moved, and yet the heap never seemed to get any smaller. Yesterday we had a van for the removals, but only for 24 hours, so it was a race against time to finish and get the furniture out, his room having been left till last so that the clearing could continue while the rest of the furniture in the house was moved.

So, S was sorting...but he was sorting paper only. Everything else he just dumped onto the bed in a massive heap. And he could not see what the problem with that was. After all, he was clearing the end of the bed - what more did we need! That end could be unscrewed, and then he'd worry about the next bit...

Gah. In despair, I went in and started speed-sorting the junk on the bed, stuffing carriers bags into one bag, bubble wrap into another, clothes into another, etc. And then we had this exchange:

Me: 'Perhaps it might speed things along a little if you tried multi-tasking a bit, so that, for example, as well as sorting the papers, you put any carrier bags you find into a bag instead of chucking them aside, which just creates another job for later.'
S: 'I am multi-tasking. I'm doing the paper and you're doing the carrier bags. That's multi-tasking.'

...

I almost put my head through the wall in despair at that point.

I don't think I need say any more! Except to add that Small has also been a nightmare, between the combination of moving and PMT. Yeah, it's been quite the couple of days.

Tomorrow I'm having a day off. It'll be the first Saturday in weeks that I haven't gone down there to help pack and sort and whatnot. I feel I've done my bit for their move (although undoubtedly will do more in the week) and have plenty to do ready for my own.

Can't remember what it felt like to have an actual day of rest. Looking forward to actual holidays immensely, if I can remember how to unwind and relax!

Comments

[galathea-snb.livejournal.com]

Oh my, what a nightmare. Moving in itself is a drag, but under these circumstances I would go crazy. :( I'm so sorry you have such an exhausting time lately. I'll just hope we'll manage to cheer you up and help you relax once we're there. *hugs*

[llywela13.livejournal.com]

Heh, I think I did go a bit crazy. I had an internal rant going all the way home last night - there was a concert on at the stadium, so I had to wade through stupid, stupid revellers who couldn't seem to understand that streets are actually meant to be thoroughfares, not places to stand around getting in the way. Was thoroughly wound up by the time I got home!

I am relying on you and Nikki to remind me how to sit through an entire episode of anything without leaping up because I've remembered something I should be doing. I can't remember the last time I managed that! I need to un-tense.

[karenmiller.livejournal.com]

Big hugs. Now what you need is a dumpster, or a selection of dumpsters. And then Everything Goes. You give folk one day to take what they can't live without and then Everything Goes. No exceptions. Because you get to decide what you live with in your space. You also teach people how to treat you. And you deserve a space that makes you feel happy and comfortable. Stand up for yourself and take back your space.

[llywela13.livejournal.com]

I couldn't do that. They are stressed enough as it is, and are letting me have the house cheaper than I would ever find anything the same size. And I really think Mum is on the verge of a nervous breakdown between Dad, Small and Brother Mine. I just never dreamed it would take them so long to get the other house done and vacate. There is still a week before I move in, and I'm sure a lot will be done in that week. It's just frustrating, being the only truly able-bodied child they have!

[bowtrunckle.livejournal.com]

Oooo. A day of rest is mandatory for your sanity. I hope on Saturday you do not clean or move or pack ANYTHING (even your own things).

Consequently, would your brother even realize a bag or seven of bubble wrap, unopened letters, and other unmarked/generic things didn't make it to the new house? ;)

[llywela13.livejournal.com]

Oh, I went back into his room yesterday, while he was at work, and filled two black bin bags (which were collected later that day, before he even knew anything about it). Also shredded three bags full of old letters (that he had agreed should go). But while he is there? No chance of binning anything he doesn't want binned. He was never diagnosed autistic, but the characteristics are all there.

He is meant to be having my wardrobe after I move, because I'm moving into a room with fitted wardrobes. I reminded him of this the other day and he said 'if there is room for it'. Because to him a wardrobe is an optional extra - the fitted ones in the room he's come from are filled to the brim with ancient computer equipment he has salvaged and can't bear to part with (and yes, he would notice if they were removed!) He thinks it is quite acceptable to live like that, with broken computers in the wardrobe and clothes all over the floor. I have never managed to persuade him that the clothes actually take up less space when they aren't just dropped on top of a heap of junk, plus he'd be able to find them more easily...

[bowtrunckle.livejournal.com]

and filled two black bin bags (which were collected later that day, before he even knew anything about it)

Covert actions! *thumbs up* What they won't know and won't miss won't hurt them. ;)

He thinks it is quite acceptable to live like that

The good thing is that at least you don't have to deal with it on a daily basis. And you know the saying about old dogs and new tricks.... I have a feeling your mom closing the door and leaving it be is probably the best.

Happy moving!!!!

[kelzies.livejournal.com]

Urgh it all sounds so frustrating. All I can say is good luck! I hope they remove all of their clutter. Enjoy your day of rest!

[llywela13.livejournal.com]

Thank you! I have a list of chores, but at least they are my chores!

[mav-fan.livejournal.com]

My dear woman, you definitely deserve a day of rest. Enjoy!!

[llywela13.livejournal.com]

Well, I do have chores, but at least they are my chores! Definitely planning to take things a little bit easier today.

[mav-fan.livejournal.com]

Yes, they are chores, but they're yours and you can do them exactly how you want!!!

[agentxpndble.livejournal.com]

:::HUGS::: It pains me that I'm so far away - I would totally come help if I could. :-(

[llywela13.livejournal.com]

Aww, thanks. I've thought the same about you many times!

[catsdownunder.livejournal.com]

Men just do not understand and will never understand. An inbuilt flaw, unfortunately.

Anyway, on the bright side you are a step closer to your own big move and once this has been completed you can do things at your own pace ... properly and orderly ... with Miss Poppy's help of course :)

There is a light at the end of the tunnel Agent 1.3 ::: HUGS :::

[llywela13.livejournal.com]

Just lately it feels like it will NEVER be over. There is so, so much decorating to do once I am in - they've taken cupboards off the wall in almost every room, leaving bare patches that are completely different colours and patterns to the rest!

Buying a new carpet for the front room tomorrow.

[catsdownunder.livejournal.com]

Well don't go losing your measurements for the front room between now and tomorrow. Have fun.

[llywela13.livejournal.com]

Good point!

*makes mental note*

[daphnis.livejournal.com]

Rest your weary head(s) on heaps of hugs, cwches, condolences, lashings of love, punnets of back-rubs and pints of PRAISE!

[llywela13.livejournal.com]

Thank you. I'm very sleepy today!

[jayres.livejournal.com]

What a nightmare!! Your brother's room sounds like it needs a secret declutter while he is elsewhere.

I hope you have a lovely peaceful Saturday doing things that you need to do for yourself! :)

[llywela13.livejournal.com]

Secret declutter...I wish. What it needs is a great big skip, but he would notice if you moved anything!

Didn't rest as much as I'd intended today and paid for it. Luckily the cat came to my rescue by putting herself to sleep on my lap so that I was anchored for two full episodes of Cranford and therefore couldn't keep jumping up and doing stuff as is my wont lately!

[wildcard-sej.livejournal.com]

I don't know how you do it, I really don't. Hope you do manage to make the most of your day off though. *hugs*

[llywela13.livejournal.com]

I just about went insane, I really did. There was one point where I was busily stuffing carrier bags into a bag - carriers he'd just left randomly dropped among his heaps for years now - and he got cross because he'd decided he wanted to keep the Comic Guru bags separate to ask his mate if he wants them back! I was like...now is not the time, if you wanted to do that you should have kept them sacrosanct all along!

He can't help it. He was brain damaged at birth, not badly enough to have a diagnosed disability but enough that he has never been normal. I have to keep reminding myself of that whenever he makes me want to put his head through a wall.

Didn't rest enough today and paid for it, but on the flipside got a lot done that needed doing.

[callistosh65.livejournal.com]

Hold strong there - the pay off is going to be a lovely house all of your very own.. yay!!!!

[llywela13.livejournal.com]

One day...