list of love

[llywela]

Quiet all week, and then two posts in one day. I've had another List of Love on the go for ages, without ever getting very far because...well, Home just isn't a standout episode for me. It's one I always feel I should love, but can never summon up much enthusiasm for. Having said all that, it does contain all kinds of fun, poignant and mytharc-ally important moments. So, here 'tis:

Things I love about Home
…and other standout moments

In something approaching chronological order this time, just because I was in that kind of mood.

1. Mytharc! Now that the show is almost half a season old and the central characters and the universe they inhabit have been well established, we start to get some meat on the bones with the introduction of Sam's premonitions. These were previously alluded to very obliquely, with his nightmares and guilt over Jessica's death, but are now presented to us as a highly troubling fact. Two and a half seasons later we still haven't got to the bottom of what all this means!

Plus, there's a side order of topless sleeping Dean thrown into this introductory scene as an added bonus – blink and you miss him.


2. Dean + coffee = OPT


3. Sketch-artist Sam


He looks so comfortable, lounging like that, and he's concentrating so hard, and it's just really cute.

4. Alongside Sam's visions as a means of delving deeper into the characters and mytharc, we now start to see the chinks in Dean's armour for almost the first time, as he freaks out at the thought of revisiting the scene of his greatest childhood trauma. That house represents everything he once had, everything that was snatched away from him: mother, security, stability, comfort, safety - you name it, Dean lost it that night. Of course the thought of going back is traumatic. But this is almost the first hint in the show of just how deep those scars run.

It's a reaction Sam clearly hadn't anticipated, and that alone makes it clear that however much the fact of Mary's death has always been the driving force behind the hunting lifestyle in which the boys were raised, the details of it are not something that have ever been talked about within the family.

All of a sudden Dean looks very young and very vulnerable.


5. Bless him, Sam is so tentative when he comes clean to Dean about his premonitions. And bless him, Dean double takes so cutely, and just has no idea how to react.


Sam has been keeping this secret for a long time now – we learned way back in Bloody Mary that he had dreamed about Jessica's death before it happened. He is terribly afraid of ridicule and rejection, but what he gets is neither. However freaked Dean is about this worrying new 'gift' his brother claims to be experiencing, he keeps a very tight lid on it, because reassuring and placating Sam is always his highest priority.

6. I love that picture of the family Winchester in happier times. Nice job, props department.


7. Having insisted on making the trip, when the brothers finally arrive outside their old home, Sam's first thought is to ask how his brother is doing, and I like that. His premonition was too disturbing to ignore, but he was listening to Dean earlier and now knows how upsetting this is for his brother, being made to come back here like this.


8. Oh, man. Sam's face when he first sees the woman from his premonition, live and in the flesh and living in their old family home, just like he dreamed. He wasn't sure, right up to that moment, but now there can be no doubt whatsoever that his premonitions are real. And he already blamed himself for Jessica's death before this confirmation.


9. For once, no false identities are necessary – although Dean goes to use one automatically, before Sam cuts him off and makes a far simpler introduction. On this occasion, the truth is more than adequate and they get to just be themselves: two brothers who spent their early childhood living in that house, are in town, and would like to see it again.


10. Oh, how both brothers freak out at the mention of a figure on fire in their old house, both automatically suspecting it might be the same creature that killed their mother, the same creature that killed Jessica – the creature they have been trying to find for over 20 years now. Dean is so troubled about Sam's premonitions being real and what this might mean, and Sam just keeps yelling at him, like he expects Dean to have all the answers and be able to fix this for him, but Dean just doesn't know what to do.

Sam gets very irrational when he's worked up about anything: he sets his eyes on what he wants, and dons blinkers, doesn't see any of the practicalities or difficulties in achieving it. Here, he's too busy panicking about what this could be to think rationally in any way, which puts Dean under pressure to keep his brother grounded and focused, even though Dean would dearly love to panic, as well.

And, man, but Sam towers over Dean in this scene!

11. If this were any other job, what would they do? That question forces Dean to relive the moment of his greatest childhood trauma for maybe the first time since it happened – this scene again makes it clear that the events surrounding Mary's death are not something the Winchesters have ever really talked about, as a family.

Dean's side of the story is something Sam has never heard before – not even the fact that it was Dean who carried him to safety that night. And yet that detail is so crucial to understanding who Dean is and how heavily that night impacted on him. On hearing it, Sam looks at Dean like he's seeing him for the first time, and I love that. Season one is a huge learning curve for Sam where his brother is concerned.



12. I really like this shot of the brothers.


13. "Does this feel like just another job to you?"
No, it doesn't, and Dean can't quite manage to hold it together any more, although he manages to make it out of eyeshot of Sam before he crumbles. Sam keeps looking to Dean to hold things together and take a lead on this, ever the baby automatically trusting his big brother to take care of things, but it is too big, too crushing a weight for Dean to deal with – this is his Dad's fight, the thing that has driven John forward all these years. The reason for everything they have been through these last 20 years or so, everything for they do, everything they are. And Dean needs his father to be here to deal with it. But he isn't – the boys are on their own with their fears.



14. Okay, this toy providing the soundtrack to the plumber's hand getting chomped by the waste disposal? Creepy! As for the waste disposal chomping itself...I can't even look at it, still, never mind comment on it!


15. I kinda love the way John's old business partner describes him: loved Mary, doted on his kids, hated to lose. Yeah. That sounds like the John we will come to know over the course of the show. And the guy never suspects for a moment that the young men he is talking to are John Winchester's children all grown up.


16. The shot is a little blurry, but I love when Sam pulls this face. He does it a lot. Plus, his hair is really cute in this episode.


17. Dean immediately recognises Missouri's name from John's journal. I guess it is safe to say both brothers have read that journal many times since the show began – but different bits of it would stick more for each of them, of course.



18. Waiting to see Missouri, Sam looks like he's about to vibrate right out of his skin, while Dean looks like he's got the weight of the world on his shoulders. Bless them.

The brothers' circumstances have changed so much over the course of the show, the stakes raised higher and higher with each passing season, so it is good to look back on this episode and remember how overwhelming it was for them to even consider the prospect of finally coming face to face with the thing they have spent their lives pursuing.

19. Meh. The appearance of Missouri Mosely is the moment this episode stops focusing on how traumatic it is for Dean to be forced to relive the childhood trauma he has kept buried for over 20 years and fixes Sam and his mysterious psychic abilities. Both hugely important storylines, of course. It's just such a shame a better balance between the two sub-plots couldn't have been achieved.


20. The way Missouri so relentlessly picks on Dean is meant to provide comic relief, I suppose, and it certainly amuses Sam. But it is completely uncalled for, jarringly at odds with how distressed we've seen Dean to be up till this point, and doesn't set Missouri's character in a good light, especially since Dean in return treats her with nothing but the utmost of respect. And, frankly, it isn't funny.




21. Dean is so vehement in his insistence that no one is going to die in that house, ever again. Having his own family torn apart by what happened there 22 years ago was bad enough – he isn't going to let it happen to anyone else. That pretty much sums up Dean's entire raison d'etre. It's why he does what he does.


22. For all Missouri keeps picking on Dean and coddling Sam, it is Dean who does all the work putting together the little mojo pouches that will be used to try to cleanse the house.

Dean is very much a hands on kind of guy. He likes to have something practical to do. And I love that he can't quite resist tasting.



23. Yikes @ Dean's near miss with the knives. Good thing he has such quick reflexes – he's the only one of the three to successfully defend himself against the poltergeist's attack.


24. Poor Sam gets choked so very often.


25. Dean saves Sam from death by poltergeist, and provides us with the only brother-brother hug we will catch so much as a glimpse of between now and the season two finale.


But blink and you'll miss it!


26. See Dean helping Missouri down the steps, in spite of the way she has treated him throughout the episode. Gentleman.


27. Sam's persistence does save lives, but must be incredibly frustrating to have to live with! He might not have been confident enough in his gut feeling to say to Missouri that he wasn't convinced the case was over, but he is confident enough to keep Dean sitting in the car outside Jenny's house with him for the rest of the night. I hope he appreciates how much his brother trusts and indulges him!



28. "Take your brother outside as fast as you can. Don't look back." Ah, Sam. He doesn't even know that he is echoing the words his father spoke in that very house, so many years ago.



29. I love how very focused and practical Dean becomes when Sam is in danger – he doesn't waste time with any blind panic, instead swinging into action at speed. The door doesn't appreciate his efforts quite so much, however, and is highly uncooperative!


30. Oh, the way Dean's hand shakes holding the shotgun, as the fiery spirit becomes his long-dead mother. It's nice to revisit the subplot of Dean's childhood trauma from earlier in the episode, having had it buried by Missouri's not-so-comic harshness for so much of the episode. Clever Sam to figure it out – or was that insight provided by his mysterious psychic mojo? Maybe a little of both. It's a huge moment for Sam, too, finally getting to 'meet' the mother he never knew.



Oh, boys. Dean gets a proud and loving smile from Mary – but Sam gets an apology to go with his. Three seasons later we still don't know what that's all about.




31. Mary destroying herself along with the poltergeist is another example in a long line throughout the show of spirits cancelling one another out. It's also just another instance of the self-sacrificial habits of the Winchesters!



32. I really like that quiet moment of Dean looking through the family photos Jenny found in her basement – especially the snap of his four-year-old self looking so proud as he sits with baby Sammy in his lap.



33. I like that Missouri apologises to Sam for being so completely wrong when she said that the spirits were gone from the house earlier. And I like that Sam feels able to confide in her his fears about what his premonitions might mean – given what their family does, it figures that he'd be hesitant to discuss the matter with Dean, especially at this early stage in the show, when the brothers are still getting used to being together again and what lies ahead of them is so uncertain.
Poor, troubled Sammy - if only he knew how much worse things were going to get.


34. "John Winchester I could just slap you. Why don't you go talk to your children?"
I'm with Missouri on that one! One thing I really regret about the show is how little insight we are ever given into what goes on inside John Winchester's head. Why was it so important to him to completely sever all contact with his sons? How much did he know at this stage? So many questions, and never any real answers.

Comments

[galathea-snb.livejournal.com]

Oh noooo .. you can't just post a list of love when I am about to have my friend over for a FF session and have no time to actually look at it! *pouts* So, I just wanted to get that off my chest *g* I'll comment properly on it tomorrow!

I have to agree with you though that I should probably love this episode more than I actually do. I am so irritated with Missouri and angry with John in this episode that it always drops a shadow over the many good moments in it. /sigh More on it later ...

*hugs*

[llywela13.livejournal.com]

*kowtows* A thousand apologies for not factoring your plans into mine!! You are watching FF with your friend now? How far along are you? What does he think? Tell, tell!

Home has so many great moments, and yet always leaves me feeling that the whole is somehow less than the sum of its parts. Missouri bugs, and John makes me cross, but it's more than that. The story just isn't as smoothly told as it could be, the way the sub-plots kind of jerk back and fore instead of interweaving smoothly the way they should. As a whole, the episode just doesn't live up to its own potential, and that is disappointing.

Huh. Maybe it's a thing about episode nine in any given season - I'm not fond of Croatoan or Malleus Maleficarum, either!

[galathea-snb.livejournal.com]

LOL We're nearly through, ended with Trash yesterday, only 3 more episodes to go! He was very hesitant when I suggested to watch FF but he was hooked after the Pilot and clearly loves the show now! *g*

Back to 'Home': First off, Missouri is indeed the main reason why I am have problems with this episode. As you so rightly point out, it's at direct odds with the heavy distress Dean is going through, so to use him as a comic relief figure via Missouri just doesn't sit right at all. She is outright mean to him, without any reason. If it would lean more towards gentle teasing, I would probably be able to overlook it, but her posture as well as her tone is always condescending or outright hurting. I am especially cross that she contemptibly calls Dean an 'amateur' for using his EMF meter, but later after the ritual completely fails to sense either spirit. Talking about hubris here.

Secondly, John: I fail to see how it could be dangerous to just talk to his sons at that point. It just doesn't sit well with me, that he rushes to Lawrence but ignores Dean's obvious emotional distress, doesn't even offer some comfort by calling him back. He has no such reservations when he calls him just one episode later! No matter what John knew at that point, it doesn't make sense to me. If he thought he'd endanger his sons with his presence, he shouldn't have been in Lawrence in the first place IMO.

The good stuff: Clearly the brother stuff is very powerful in the episode. I love how gentle Sam is in his approach to his brother when he realises Dean's distress with the situation. We cannot forget that this is early in the season and Sam is far from feeling comfortable with being back on the road with Dean, so his instant sympathetic response to Dean's fears warms my heart. He might not know his brother as well as he thinks he does, but he always reacts protective if Dean's in distress, just like Dean does with him. ♥

I adore their talk at the gas station: When Sam learns about Dean carrying him out of the house, he sounds and looks all but 5 years old, looking up at his hero big brother. AWW! I also find it interesting that Dean is so confused about the fact that Sammy never knew that detail. We know from AVSC how upset Dean reacted as a child when Sam brought up Mary's death and I guess at some point Sam stopped asking, either to spare Dean the pain or because he resigned himself to the fact that he will never get anything out of Dean. Anyway, it's interesting that Dean realises here, how much Sam is out of the loop, because he and John have been too hurt to talk about that night. It's probably one reason why Sam feels less connected to his mother, as we see in the Pilot. Which, btw, I really would like to see a scene where Dean takes Sam down memory lane and just tells him about all the things Sam was too small to remember, like in HotH where he tells Sam about Mary's faith. /sigh

AWWW the brother hug! ♥ ♥

I also love their encounter with Mary and I hope we finally learn in S4 what that apology was all about. Dean's expression when he sees her, his shaking hands and the little broken 'Mum' he whispers, always tear me up. I wasn't really bothered by the fact that she didn't say more to Dean, like some fans complained. Her loving smile towards him said it all really!

[llywela13.livejournal.com]

She is outright mean to him, without any reason. If it would lean more towards gentle teasing, I would probably be able to overlook it, but her posture as well as her tone is always condescending or outright hurting.
Exactly! There is something spiteful and malicious about her attitude, as if she really, really dislikes him, and...I think it is the actress, rather than the writing. It was probably intended by the writers to come across rather more like Ellen's maternal growling in S2, but the actress just failed to pull that off. And as a result she severely damaged the episode. Meh. And I fail to see why so many people see her as such a useful character. Yes, she shed valuable light on the past, but her poltergeist-cure didn't work at all, and she couldn't tell afterward that both spirits were still present, so...she isn't all that good a psychic, clearly! Meh again.

I fail to see how it could be dangerous to just talk to his sons at that point.
And again we wail: I want to understand! John never makes any sense to me, and his big 'it's too dangerous' line all through S1 makes the least sense of all. I think it is just a line that he spins for the boys to justify his go-it-alone mentality. After all, if his enemies wanted to use the boys against him they could, whether they were together or not. If he could risk sending coordinates or quick phone conversations, he could use a few of those seconds to give a proper explanation. So no, it's just a line. He wanted to go it alone because, as Dean points out to him in DMB, he can be more reckless that way, just do his own thing without reference to anyone. And...I'm steaming up again. *sigh*

this is early in the season and Sam is far from feeling comfortable with being back on the road with Dean, so his instant sympathetic response to Dean's fears warms my heart.
It is so good to go back to these early episodes and remember what the brothers' relationship was like back then. When they didn't know each other as well as they do now, and Sam especially had no conception at all of just how deep Dean's emotional scars truly are, but that love and concern was still always present. Sam, being Sam, is so caught up in his own issues - the scary premonitions and what they mean and trying to interpret them - that it doesn't occur to him for so much as a second that Dean might react badly to the idea of revisiting the scene of his mother's death. But when he sees how upset his brother is by the idea, although he doesn't back down, he becomes so gentle and sympathetic. Bless Sam. ♥

I wasn't really bothered by the fact that she didn't say more to Dean, like some fans complained. Her loving smile towards him said it all really!
Same here - there wasn't anything more she needed to say to Dean. He was her beloved firstborn, and she conveyed that. Sam, however, she needed to apologise to - for reasons we still don't know! Roll on S4...

[lfg1986.livejournal.com]

I'm not quite awake yet, so I'm sorry if a bunch of this comes out in babble, lol.

Oh how I love this episode! It's very much a BROTHER episode, instead of being more centered on one boy or the other like so many of them are. But here we get to go into BOTH of their heads and see their fears and tackle some of their issues. I love that so much.

I find it unbelievably heartbreaking that Sam never knew that Dean was the one who carried him out of the house that night. That's probably the single-most important moment in Dean's life (and Sam's as well, though he doesn't realize it even now), it's what made Dean who he is now, and Sam can't even fully appreciate it. And I don't blame Sam at all for that, cause I'm sure it wasn't like Dean had been itching to tell Sam that for years or something, that's just not how they operate. But it's so sad to know that they were never able to connect over that moment because Sam didn't know the whole story.

I still tear up every time I see that scene where Dean calls John and asks for his help. Jensen really knocked that one out of the park. You can actually SEE his inner turmoil play out across his face, you can visibly distinguish all his emotions as they change. And you can tell that he's fighting hard to keep his protective walls in place and not let himself be vulnerable, but it's a losing battle and he can't keep them from falling.

You know, I never actually thought about the shift change when Missouri shows up, but you're right. I actually do like Missouri, I think she's a valuable character and I wish the show had brought her back (though I know Loretta Devine is rather busy these days), but I will agree that the way she treats Dean is kinda unnecessary.

I'm struck by how young and scared Sam looks in this episode. Every time I see it, I just want to cuddle him (and Dean), cause he looks so lost and helpless and like he's all of 8 years old.

Sam's mirroring John's words from so many years ago is just so profound on so many levels, it actually hurts me to think about it, lol. And it gives us our first hints of what they very clearly establish later on, that Sam is so much like John that it's scary. I mean, nurture has done wonders for Sam in making him quite a bit more socially acceptable and more able to harness his stubborn streak in a more positive and constructive way, but his nature is still very present and there are so many hints along the way that indicate that, under the right circumstances, Sam could be basically a John clone (Mystery Spot, anyone?).

I really wanna smack John, too. I don't know if it was intentional on the writers' part to leave John's character so mysterious, or if it more had to do w/ JDM being unavailable so they weren't able to develop the character ON SCREEN as much as they would have liked, but it kinda frustrates me that we really know so little about what he knew about Sam. He tells the YED in IMTOD that he's known about Sam for awhile, but he doesn't explain WHAT he knows, or how he found out, or even what his feelings are about what he knows. It's just a big black hole in the character, and it's annoying.

Ok, I think I'm done rambling now, lol.

[llywela13.livejournal.com]

how I love this episode! It's very much a BROTHER episode, instead of being more centered on one boy or the other like so many of them are. But here we get to go into BOTH of their heads and see their fears and tackle some of their issues. I love that so much.
It cheers me up that you love it so much - I really struggle to like this episode as much as I want to, because all those great moments just don't seem to weave together as smoothly as they should. But it does have awesome moments, and it is such an important episode, moving us from the universe-establishing first half of the season into the real guts of the show from here on in.

I find it unbelievably heartbreaking that Sam never knew that Dean was the one who carried him out of the house that night.
Oh, man, doesn't it just drive home the point of how little this family ever talks about the things that really matter? Coming into this first season Sam understands so very little about how his brother and father really tick, the things that drive them. The whole of season one is this enormous learning curve for him where Dean is concerned - he's always just taken the status quo of his family for granted, without ever attempting to understand the motivations and pains that lie behind it.

that scene where Dean calls John and asks for his help.
JA knocks it out of the park in every episode, of course, but this is the first time we start to glimpse the depth of the emotional scars hiding behind all those defence mechanisms Dean employs, and wow - when he turns it on, he really turns it on. Why has no one yet given this man an Emmy?! Don't answer that - it's a thing about cult genre shows, obviously. Meh.

I actually do like Missouri...but I will agree that the way she treats Dean is kinda unnecessary.
Missouri's usefulness for me ends with the link she provides to the past - she is able to fill in valuable gaps for the brothers and help them understand their own past a little better. But other than that...she isn't actually terribly useful at all where getting rid of the spirits in the house are concerned! And the way she picks on Dean really grates, because it is unecessary, doesn't fit at all with Dean's state of mind in the episode, and just isn't funny.

how young and scared Sam looks in this episode.
Oh, Sammy. What hurts most of all, looking back, is that two and a half seasons later he still doesn't understand what is going on with his abilities and he is still scared stiff of what is happening to him. And everything has just got so much worse since this early stage, and they've been through so much! Poor, poor boys.

Sam is so much like John that it's scary.
He really is! It's one of the things that intrigues me most about the show, the way they play with parallels and contrasts and mess about with expectations, so that what you think you see on the surface is never the full picture. Surface impression is that Dean is made in his father's image, with Sam the odd man out, but the whole course of the show has explored how very false that impression is, that in fact Sam is John all over again, in almost every respect, while Dean, personality and temperament-wise, is nothing like either of them. Nurture did a lot for Sam - but then again, John wasn't always the way he is in the show. It was tragedy and adversity that brought out the worst (and best) in both of them.

One thing I really, really want to know is how much John knew when, the sequence of events from his point of view, from the Pilot on. Really, really. It's this huge hole in our understanding!

[littlepunkryo.livejournal.com]

Wohoo! Sleeping!Dean ♥

I really love the plaid shirt Dean wears in this first scene.

I love how Sam sketches a bunch of perfect dreams in this ep but in season 3 he can't draw for crap. And those shots of Sam drawing on that bed are some of my favorites, for some reason.

Poor Dean! This episode is very high-stress for him.

I have to admit, I do not like how quickly Sam starts freaking out almost pushing Dean for answers. He kind of takes being upset out on Dean, who is honestly dealing with enough issues.

I didn't fully realize it until later, but Sam really did not know what the heck happened the night his mom was killed. They must have just told him it was a fire, and something did it. (I can't remember if he knew about the ceiling bit). We see later how smart and curious Sam was, so I'm not entirely sure that was the way to go with that.

This episode is also makes me think - how much did John know about Mary's death, and by extension whatever's going on with Sam, before he died? Was he trying to protect Sam from their life in general, or was there something specific he didn't want Sam to know?

The thing that really intrigues me, though, is that despite whatever John found out - and judging by his words in 201, he knew something - he couldn't kill Sam. That kind of makes me smile, because to me it proves that John's boys are more important to him than any hunt, ultimately.

Dean calling his dad just breaks my heart, and I really want to know why he had to cut himself off, as well. Dean suffered a lot for it, and Sam did, too - I mean, John was the one who knew how Sam felt, losing Jess like that.

The first time I watched this episode, Missouri was funny. Then as I went back after I realized Dean is very broken, it wasn't funny anymore. I can't figure out why she acted like that, at all. Especially if she's psychic - surely she knew how hard even being in that town was for him. I kind of came off this ep dislking her, the second time around.

I LOVE WORKING!DEAN! He is such the type to test everything out with his body - his hands, his nose, even his MOUTH. I love that about him, that he's so firmly in the physical world.

I love that brother!hug!

I also love that Dean trusted his brother when Sam said he just didn't feel right, and stayed outside the house.

That is one tough door for an ax not to get through it.

I really want to know WHY Mary apologized to Sam...and also, why she didn't say SOMETHING to Dean. Honestly, Mary is just a concept to Sam up until that point - but to Dean she was very real.

Missouri's words to Sam had me intrigued - because Sam seems to only have his premonitions, but there are sometimes other hints that he senses things but doesn't even realize it. I really want to know what the full extent of his powers is.

JOHN!!!!! WHY AREN'T YOU TALKING TO YOUR BOYS?!?!?!

That being said, it breaks my heart that he still has his wedding ring on, and the way he touches it, he does it all the time. Poor, poor John.

[llywela13.livejournal.com]

I love how Sam sketches a bunch of perfect dreams in this ep but in season 3 he can't draw for crap.
Mwahahah. It's true. Maybe we can rationalise that he finds it easier to draw something he has seen than something someone else is describing...or that he took many practice attempts to perfect the tree...or...no. I'm tapped. *G*

I do not like how quickly Sam starts freaking out almost pushing Dean for answers. He kind of takes being upset out on Dean, who is honestly dealing with enough issues.
It kind of hurts, looking at Dean's point of view - John and Sam both tend to take their frustrations out on him. But I think it is a very natural little brother thing, from Sam's point of view - all his life he Dean has taken care of him in almost every respect. He is freaking out more than he has ever freaked out, and he just automatically expects Dean to be able to fix things for him - it isn't even a conscious thing, just an automatic reflex. He still slides back into that mindset under stress, even now, it comes so naturally.

I didn't fully realize it until later, but Sam really did not know what the heck happened the night his mom was killed.
They really, really never talked about any of the details, did they? We get from Home that Sam - like Dean - knew the broad outline: that John saw Mary pinned to the ceiling, and then there was a fire. And Dean, of course, has his own memories of the fire and of carrying Sam to safety. But for Sam, that broad outline is literally all he knew, which means they never talked about it. And that doesn't surprise me, knowing John and Dean, but it is really sad. That small detail explains so much about Dean, and knowing it gives Sam the means to begin to understand his brother a little better - an ongoing process.

Everything about the way Missouri treats Dean rubs me the wrong way. I get that the writers intended it as comic relief, but it really doesn't work in the context of the episode, or of Dean's state of mind, or, as you say, of Missouri's abilities. I don't like the way the actress plays it, either - I mean, Ellen barks at him a fair bit, as well, but from her it comes across as semi-maternal and affectionate. From Missouri it comes out almost spiteful, and I dislike her scenes more every time I see the episode.

I LOVE WORKING!DEAN! He is such the type to test everything out with his body
ME TOO! Dean is very tactile, all physicality to Sam's intellectual.

I love that brother!hug!
But we don't see enough of it, and it is all dark, and the camera cuts away way too soon. *mourns* It looks so awesome and with the h/c and we really need a long, lingering shot plus aftermath!

I really want to know WHY Mary apologized to Sam...and also, why she didn't say SOMETHING to Dean.
I'm going to guess that season four will delve deeper into the mystery of Mary's past and the reason for this apology. I hope so, anyway. We need to know!

Sam seems to only have his premonitions, but there are sometimes other hints that he senses things but doesn't even realize it. I really want to know what the full extent of his powers is.
Oh, don't we all! The premonitions are so few and far between, but...well, AHBL made it clear that all the psychic kids had the same abilities locked away inside, just that they each manifested different ones first, but once they started to unlock those powers they gained access to the lot. So Sam clearly has a lot more power inside him than he has ever explored: the premonitions, telekinesis - no doubt he could pull Andy's mind control tricks and Ava's demon-control if he wanted to unlock those abilities. But he has never wanted to, always kept the powers locked away as much as he possibly can. Maybe season four will explore all that, as well...

I realise I am starting to expect a lot from season four. I hope it delivers!

Oh, John, John, John. Such a complex, infuriating man. I wish we understood him better. The wedding ring detail is heartbreaking. He never got over Mary, never moved on from that place of grief. More than 20 years, and he stayed stuck in that same place, for better or for worse.

[littlepunkryo.livejournal.com]

I am expecting a lot from season four too - especially since we're only going to have 5 seasons, and it seems like there's STILL so much we don't know!

I really would not have minded a little longer shot of that brother!hug, but Show loves to tease.

Sam's premonitions were directly linked to the YED, though, right? So do they count as real powers, or was the demon nuding him where it wanted him to go? I wonder if Sam has powers before the whole demon-blood thing, or if Mary had powers....GAH!! STOP TEASING ME SHOW!!

[llywela13.livejournal.com]

Man, so much we don't know! The demon-blood thing clearly did something - either planted the abilities, or whatever. And the YED coming out of hiding was clearly either what triggered the abilities or timed to coincide. But the abilities are also clearly inherent to Sam, and not something that came and went with the demise of the demon - they are still a part of him. And he has that demon-virus immunity, and Lilith's death ray bounced off him, and...

I WANT TO KNOW!

Is it season 4 yet?

[littlepunkryo.livejournal.com]

Nope. :/ And I'm being bad and not avoiding spoilers. Actually, I haven't read all that much, but it depends on my mood whether I read spoiler posts or not.

I'm very interested to know - if Sam has powers, Dean has to have them too, right????

[llywela13.livejournal.com]

if Sam has powers, Dean has to have them too, right????
Hmm. Judging by everything we've seen on the show, I'm going to guess that it doesn't really work like that - that if the abilities manifested in Sam without intervention they were more random than anything, whatever mystery is in Mary's past. And I'd really prefer Dean to continue not to have powers of any kind - the whole point of Dean is that there isn't anything special about him. That he doesn't have any special abilities. That he does all that he does with whatever frail mortal strength he can muster, no matter how much the odds are stacked against him, because he believes it is the right thing to do. It's why he is the hero of the story. Giving him powers would completely take all that away.

I'm being bad and not avoiding spoilers.
Oh, man. I've avoided much less than I usually do. But I still have only seen general direction comments - casting sides are being avoided like the plague! Too specific and yet not specific enough, and without context do nothing but stir up panic and controversy. *renews resolve not to look at anything else*

[littlepunkryo.livejournal.com]

I think you're right. I also think Dean would not handle having powers well - it's one thing for Sam to be firmly in the gray area between supernatural and human, because Dean loves him no matter what, but for Dean himself to have powers would actually be a BAD thing, in Dean's opinion of himself.

[llywela13.livejournal.com]

Yep - it works out much better the way the show is playing it, one brother having the powers and the other not, because it sets up all kinds of interesting dynamics between them.

[percysowner.livejournal.com]

There are so many reasons why Dean doesn't have to have powers, especially since we have no real idea where the powers came from. If Sam's powers are the result of ingesting demon blood, then there is canon way for Dean to have powers. If the powers are genetic even that doesn't hold true. Brown eyed parents can have blue eyed children. The gene for hemophilia is carried through the mother, but not all male offspring get the disease. I like the idea of Dean without powers and the fact that all the children with powers started manifesting when they were 22 means if Dean hasn't had them by now, he probably won't get them.

[llywela13.livejournal.com]

Quite. It would also be all kinds of repetitive to have both brothers dealing with the same issues - far more interesting dynamics are possible this way.

[siluria]

You know, I never realised before that Sam echoes John's words in the house. Cool! :)

[llywela13.livejournal.com]

It really resonates, once you pick up on it, no? Sam is so, so much like his father, and he doesn't even realise it.

[lemmealone.livejournal.com]

YES. Home is like watching two different episodes smooshed together, and I love one of them. The first half is just MAGNIFICENT, with Dean cracking open and Sam finally confessing about his visions, and it's the boys returning to where their lives went to hell. But suddenly - pretty much the second Missouri Mosely steps onscreen - it turns into something else; shooting for comedy but hitting a weird jarring cruelty instead. I don't like the way she treats either of the boys - she's incredibly rude to Dean and she treats Sam like he's five years old. Ugh.

But overall, I do like the episode for its beginning and its end. ;)

[llywela13.livejournal.com]

I like Missouri less and less every time I watch this episode. If her scenes are meant to be funny, they are a huge failure - there is something almost vindictive about the way she picks on Dean, for no reason at all. He's never done anything to her! She met him once or twice when he was a traumatised child, and now she is meeting him again as an adult he is just as distressed...so she responds to that with spite? Some psychic. And yes, she is overly fussy with Sam, as well. Urgh.

And yet there is so much to love about the moment. Just a shame all those little moments don't add up to a greater whole.

[bowtrunckle.livejournal.com]

Home is one of my favorite episodes from S1. It and Nightmare were responsible for really drawing me into the mytharc black hole, turning me into a fangirl rather than just a casual viewer.

Dean leaving his tearful message on John's voice mail was one of the first times I sat up and started really paying attention to Dean. Even though "DitW" was a Dean-centric episode intended to shed light on the "inner" Dean behind the smart remarks and all the bravado, it felt strangely forced to me. But this little moment in "Home", unexpected breaks in Dean's armor, seem more organic and realistic to me.

Also, your meta/picspam/review made me realize how much the boys have grown up in the past couple of years (in more ways than one). Sam's emo bangs always make me flail a little (Sam + emo bangs = more innocent times = a reminder of the S1/2/3 manpain/angst = flail).

It kills me that Sam can draw trees so well but resorts to grimacing cartoonish stick figures when it comes to people. :P

[llywela13.livejournal.com]

It's funny how different episodes can strike such a different chord in people, how certain aspects hit us most strongly. I really want to love Home, because it has so many powerful and important moments. It really does mark a turning point in the show, with the introduction of the mytharc. It was the trio of Asylum-Faith that turned me from dedicated but casual viewer into full-blown fangirl, though. Home is just that bit too...disjointed for my tastes, and I've never been able to get past that. Which I always regret, because, like I said, there are so many amazing moments in the episode. Dean. It's the first time we really see his defences crumbling and realise how deep the scars truly are - there have been hints beforehand that there is more to him that meet the eye, like DITW, as you say, but this is the first time we've really seen the cracks in his armour.

My favourite metaphor for Dean in S1 is a car windscreen with a chip in it. The windscreen remains perfectly functional, and unless you look right at it you don't even know that the chip is there, but nonetheless it is damaged. And if it continues to be subjected to increasing stresses and strains, sooner or later that chip will develop into a crack, and then eventually the whole thing will shatter. And that's Dean in S1, and he hits his breaking point in Salvation/Devil's Trap. Damn, I need to find an appropriate meta to write up that metaphor properly! But anyway, here in Home is the first time our attention is really drawn to that damage. I just wish that this part of the subplot didn't vanish beneath Missouri's disdain the moment she appears on screen.

Bless Sam and his changeable artistic skills. Maybe he practiced the tree over and over until it looked right...or maybe he can draw things he's seen himself but can't draw what other people describe...or maybe the writers/props people forgot they'd had him sketch so nicely all the way back in S1!

[bowtrunckle.livejournal.com]

It was the trio of Asylum-Faith that turned me from dedicated but casual viewer into full-blown fangirl, though.
Mmm, "Faith". That episode was the first time I ever stopped and looked up the writers of a TV show. To this day, "Faith" sits at the top of my triple gold star SPN episodes. "Scarecrow" was also good, anything with Meg made my toes curl with anticipation.

My favourite metaphor for Dean in S1 is a car windscreen with a chip in it.
What an excellent metaphor! It is so true. The ONE thing I find so compelling with SPN (this is The Reason why the small corner of fandom meta drew me in) is that Sam and Dean are almost perfect inverses of each other. I see Dean conveying the illusion of a tough, flippant, and act-then-ask-questions later guy (your seemingly intact windscreen if not examined closely enough) who is really a giant marshmallow in the middle ... sensitive, loving, and ready to give himself up for his beliefs at a drop of a hat. I see Sam as this bleeding heart, empathetic intellectual, but deep down there's this dark hard nugget at his core. Sam's got this steeliness and these hidden sharp edges that make him a dangerous in a creepy way.

Of course both boys are deeply damaged in their own ways AND completely functional in their own ways. But together they round each other out, complimenting and contrasting each other beautifully. I think the fact that they've been made inverses of each other is why they "fit" and so much of fandom simply can't imagine one brother in a romantic relationship with anyone else. Taking half of a whole away just doesn't feel right.


I need to find an appropriate meta to write up that metaphor properly!
I miss meta.

maybe the writers/props people forgot they'd had him sketch so nicely all the way back in S1!
Heh! I think this is the most likely reason! I think only fandom has a knack for picking out these details. If the props departments really wanted thorough continuity, they'd hire a handful of fans to keep them on the straight and narrow. ;)

[llywela13.livejournal.com]

Sam and Dean are almost perfect inverses of each other.
Aren't they just?! And each of them is also the absolute inverse of who he appears to be on the surface. Contrasting the surface impression we are presented with in the Pilot against who we know them to be, over the course of the show, never ceases to fascinate me. We are presented with Dean as the rebel without a cause, all leather jacket and smartass attitude, the gung-ho, macho hunter, in stark contrast to Sam's mild-mannered intellectualism and caution. And then the layers start to be peeled back and it becomes clear that bookish Sam is actually the black sheep of the family, the rebel, and while he might generally manage to be sympathetic towards others, he isn't half as empathetic as Dean, who for all his attitude, turns out to be generous, compassionate and hard-working, and is the good, obedient son following in his father's footsteps. And it twists again because for all that Dean on the surface seems to be modelled on John - career hunter and all that - in terms of personality and temperament it is Sam who is made in his father's image, while Dean isn't really like either of them. The parallels and contrasts within the show are just amazingly effective, and tie together so beautifully - we could go on and on listing and examining them. And yes, it has slowly but surely become clear that Sam really is the more dangerous of the two - all the more worrying now we know that he is going to be without Dean's moderating influence.

I miss meta.
Meta is eating my brain! John essay approaching halfway point, in draft. It is going to need lots and lots of editing when fully drafted!

If the props departments really wanted thorough continuity, they'd hire a handful of fans to keep them on the straight and narrow. ;)
Hee! Wouldn't they just be queueing across the continent for the job!

[bowtrunckle.livejournal.com]

So well put! I concur. These characters are so intricately layered that we could probably spin comment meta for the rest of the hiatus.

in terms of personality and temperament it is Sam who is made in his father's image,
I LOVE the fact that it's Sam who raged against John, who sought out another life, who was so set on NOT being his father. With Sam being so introspective, I wonder if he's always known he's very much like John and thus purposefully choose a different path (college) ... ironically one that led back to hunting and shadowed John's footsteps. Gah. Show. September. *looks at calendar*

while Dean isn't really like either of them
Early last season (after the Mary's family/friends are dead revelation in "TKAA") I found myself thinking about Mary a lot. I'd like to think that Dean's cheeky attitude and sass came from Mary. After all, someone had to keep cantankerous John in line all those years. ;)

John essay approaching halfway point, in draft.
Terrific! Way to power through all 90+ (?) pages. It sounds like it's morphing into a mini thesis. If there was such thing as a degree in Winchesterology... *wink*

[llywela13.livejournal.com]

we could probably spin comment meta for the rest of the hiatus.
ROFL, we probably could, at that!

I'd like to think that Dean's cheeky attitude and sass came from Mary.
As time goes by and Sam becomes more and more like John, it does seem more and more likely that Dean takes after Mary. He must, surely - where else could he have got it from? His basic personality is so completely unlike either John or Sam. It is fascinating, though, to see the way both brothers display different facets of their father - Dean's cockiness definitely comes from John. We only have to see John taunting the vampires in DMB or hanging around to mock Meg after his holy water trick in Salvation to see that. It really is a constant source of delight in the show: exploring the personalities of those two boys deeper and deeper, recognising new patterns, new similarities and differences, and tracing them back to John - or Mary, defined in opposition.

sounds like it's morphing into a mini thesis
Oh, man, don't even joke. Because seriously - it is! I've got sub-documents! Four main sections, as things stand, each of those broken down into numerous sub-sections. The first section is the background, pre-show: a simple overview of the evidence. Then a big chunk of meta, exploring what all that evidence actually means, in practice: Father versus Hunter. That's where I am right now, getting bogged down in the middle - there's so much to talk about, it gets confusing to know what to put where. Lots of overlap and repetition that will have to be addressed in the editing process. Then I've got notes for a short section of stuff that as yet doesn't go anywhere else - like John's prowess and reputation as a hunter, his relationships with other people, etc. And then finally there's the actual show to consider: John's place in season one and beyond.

So, um. Yes. It's kind of turned into a thesis - already longer than the dissertation I wrote at university! Turns out, when I say I'm going to write something that's 'in-depth' and 'comprehensive', I really, really mean it! I've been having a lot of fun with quoting and referencing. But I have got very bogged down in the middle, which is making it hard to progress. So I have no idea how long it is going to take to complete - at this rate, there isn't a hope in hell it will be done before the new season. But it is keeping me occupied, at least! The editing process is going to be a bitch, though.

[bowtrunckle.livejournal.com]

*waves*

Classes are over and I'm back in LJ-land! :D

I've got sub-documents! Four main sections, as things stand, each of those broken down into numerous sub-sections.

*whistles* Whew. Winchesterology here you come! Seriously, I can't wait to read this.

That's where I am right now, getting bogged down in the middle - there's so much to talk about, it gets confusing to know what to put where.

The middles of meta (or fiction or anything) are tough, tangents have a way of snatching away my attention, and before I know it I'm rambling about something else entirely. In fact, that's how most of my meta start, as spin offs from meta that I set out to write. I was cleaning out my folders the other day and stumbled upon my meta graveyard of "Lost Thoughts". It was pretty entertaining to read my thoughts from last fall and beyond.

Lots of overlap and repetition that will have to be addressed in the editing process.

I forget who the writer was who said, "This would've been shorter but I didn't have enough time." So true, especially for those who love words. :) It's hard to remember that sometimes less is more (at least for me).

I've got notes for a short section of stuff that as yet doesn't go anywhere else - like John's prowess and reputation as a hunter, his relationships with other people, etc. And then finally there's the actual show to consider: John's place in season one and beyond.

O.O Have you considered making this a series of meta?

there isn't a hope in hell it will be done before the new season

Ahh, it's nice to have pet projects to work on here and there. John's not going anywhere, and it sounds like the majority of your meta isn't contingent on the present events of the show (unless there's a John-centric episode coming down the pipe), so your meta shouldn't have an "expiration date". S4 is rapidly approaching, though. *is excited*

The editing process is going to be a bitch, though.

If you want a second pair of eyes just let me know. :)

[llywela13.livejournal.com]

Classes are over and I'm back in LJ-land! :D
Yay! Welcome back!

stumbled upon my meta graveyard of "Lost Thoughts"
Hee. I have a fic WIP graveyard that I browse from time to time - all those thoughts and ideas that will never see the light of day! Fun to read and to imagine what the final product might have been, but I'm really not in a fic-writing place of late.

Have you considered making this a series of meta?
...I could...post it in sections or as a series. But I would have to wait until the whole thing was complete to do that, because I go back and tweak earlier sections all the time while I write, as something occurs to me that belongs earlier, or whatever. I've never been able to post anything in parts, even fic, before completing the entire piece.

If you want a second pair of eyes just let me know. :)
I would love a second pair of eyes! Well, third, really. I've been working closely with galathea_snb, who has lived every paragraph with me. But an objective pair of eyes would be great. D'you want a halfway peek? Or wait till it's more complete? I'm not working on it much at the moment because I'm going on hols for a week on Saturday, and don't want to be in my stride when I go, because it would then drive me mad all week not being able to work on it.

Getting very excited for S4 - so, so much potential! It should be awesome.

[bowtrunckle.livejournal.com]

I have a fic WIP graveyard that I browse from time to time ... but I'm really not in a fic-writing place of late.

I didn't know you wrote fic! Nice.

I've never been able to post anything in parts, even fic, before completing the entire piece.

A good idea considering how easy it is to just let projects slide as RL tends to get busy and other priorities take over.

D'you want a halfway peek? Or wait till it's more complete?

:) OK! Why don't you sent it to me when you have it in a semi-polished form? Sometimes I find getting/integrating multiple people's feedback on writing projects in their early phases can be like hitting a moving target. But once a number of things are nailed down solidly, I find it's easier to articulate what sort of feedback I'm looking for exactly. Just send me a quick note through LJ when you're ready and I'll forward you my e-mail address no problem.

Have a fun and safe holiday. Bon voyage!

[llywela13.livejournal.com]

*tries valiantly to keep replies up to date before I vanish offline this weekend*

I didn't know you wrote fic! Nice.
Not any more! And only ever a couple of tiny little ficlets for SN. I've decided that I'm better at analysis than invention, however.

A good idea considering how easy it is to just let projects slide as RL tends to get busy and other priorities take over.
It's true - and sometimes you can get too deep into something and need to take a break, refresh yourself with other projects, so you can return to it with fresh eyes. Overall, I'm a firm believer in not posting anything that's incomplete!

But once a number of things are nailed down solidly, I find it's easier to articulate what sort of feedback I'm looking for exactly.
Well, the first half is pretty polished, to be honest. And so is the structure. It's the process of turning the remainder of notes into actual writing that is proceeding slowly, rather than apace, because...that's how my brain works! In fits and starts. So I'd be quite happy to let you have the first half as it stands plus the notes on how the rest of the structure is intended to pan out, if you'd be interested in reading and offering constructive thoughts - and have time to do so. Since there isn't going to be any forward progress till I get back off my hols anyway. It's up to you, though. If not, I shall just continue to plod along as I am until it's done. Thanks for the offer, either way. :)

[bowtrunckle.livejournal.com]

*tries valiantly to keep replies up to date before I vanish offline this weekend*

I'll stop spamming you and keep this short so you can prepare for your trip. But, yes, send me the part(s) you want feedback on and I'll be happy to help out any way possible. If you just write a very quick note on exactly what kind of feedback you're looking for--structure, flow, argument building, canon fact checking (I can't imagine you'd need this, however *grin*), smoothing/conciseness--that would be terrific. No sense in me blabbing about things you're not interested in hearing about. I'll send you my fandom e-mail address via LJ. :)