Madness. It's all madness.
Aug. 21st, 2007 07:12 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
llywelaLooks like we won't be having any extraneous children coming on hols with us next week after all, because their father has spent the money that was meant to pay for them to come. God only knows what he spent the money on.
So, Ray said not to worry about paying anything toward their board, just send them along with some spending money.
Antony said he couldn't afford to give them any spending money.
Ray said fine. Just send them, and he and Deb would cover all their expenses - board, rides and shows, treats, gifts, the lot.
Antony said that would be great. Could Ray drive down to Cornwall to collect them? He can't afford to take them to Kent or Sussex himself.
Ray said no, and pointed out that Antony is travelling up to London himself on Friday for work, which was why it had been planned for him to drop the children off on his way. D&R taking the children on holiday with us was Antony's idea in the first place, let us remember.
Antony said that work had provided him with train fare just for himself, not for the children. Could Ray drive down to Cornwall to collect them?
They live in Penzance, about as far as it is possible to get.
Ray suggested that Antony use that train fare to pay for petrol, which would be roughly the same amount, and drive himself and the children to Kent en route to London, as planned. Or that Ray could perhaps meet him halfway, even, which is what Deb does on the rare occasions Small goes there to stay (which has been just once this year).
Antony said no. He wants Ray to take time off work and pay petrol to drive all the way to Cornwall and back to collect the three children, pay for their board all week, pay to take them out, buy them whatever is necessary, etc, without contributing so much as a penny himself, because the money he'd earmarked to give his children a holiday has been spent instead on himself.
Antony works in security, in London. He earns a small fortune - a hell of a lot more than Deb and Ray. D&R are always skint, and although petrol money sounds like a petty issue, it really is a huge expense when the family live so far away. Susan, the children's mother, has been working full time all summer, but the children aren't seeing a penny of it - the money she's earning is going towards a college fund for herself. She wants to go to university and study astrophysics. This is the same woman who tells her children, age 14, nine, six and four, that she wants to kill herself and it is their fault. D has had the six-year-old on the phone in tears more than once because Susan told her that. She is completely insane (I mean that literally - she's paranoid depressive, has come close to being sectioned more than once since Deb first met Ray). The children are on the verge of being taken into care, and if that happened, D&R have agreed to take them.
So, the children aren't going to get a holiday, poor dabs, because neither of their parents will lift a finger on their behalf, and aren't prepared to compromise. Shouldn't their children come first?
Course, all this also means that Ray is not going to be in the best of moods on holiday next week.
The oldest girl, Shanei, is in South Africa at the moment visiting her grandmother and natural father. She's due back shortly after our holiday ends, and the original plan was that Antony would collect the other children at the same time that he picks her up from Heathrow, with D&R keeping them until then. What are the chances D&R get a phone call to say he can't afford to drive to Heathrow to get her, so can they collect her and buy her a train ticket to Cornwall? She's 14.
And...I know it's easy to get into financial difficulties. I know that families are there to help one another out. But there's a huge difference between genuine need and taking advantage, and A&S crossed that line a very long time ago. For everything they are offered, they only demand more. They don't need, they want. Worse, they expect. They want and expect to simply take, all the time, never offer anything in return. Not even gratitude.
These people are insane. Makes me feel glad for my own family, warts and all.
So, Ray said not to worry about paying anything toward their board, just send them along with some spending money.
Antony said he couldn't afford to give them any spending money.
Ray said fine. Just send them, and he and Deb would cover all their expenses - board, rides and shows, treats, gifts, the lot.
Antony said that would be great. Could Ray drive down to Cornwall to collect them? He can't afford to take them to Kent or Sussex himself.
Ray said no, and pointed out that Antony is travelling up to London himself on Friday for work, which was why it had been planned for him to drop the children off on his way. D&R taking the children on holiday with us was Antony's idea in the first place, let us remember.
Antony said that work had provided him with train fare just for himself, not for the children. Could Ray drive down to Cornwall to collect them?
They live in Penzance, about as far as it is possible to get.
Ray suggested that Antony use that train fare to pay for petrol, which would be roughly the same amount, and drive himself and the children to Kent en route to London, as planned. Or that Ray could perhaps meet him halfway, even, which is what Deb does on the rare occasions Small goes there to stay (which has been just once this year).
Antony said no. He wants Ray to take time off work and pay petrol to drive all the way to Cornwall and back to collect the three children, pay for their board all week, pay to take them out, buy them whatever is necessary, etc, without contributing so much as a penny himself, because the money he'd earmarked to give his children a holiday has been spent instead on himself.
Antony works in security, in London. He earns a small fortune - a hell of a lot more than Deb and Ray. D&R are always skint, and although petrol money sounds like a petty issue, it really is a huge expense when the family live so far away. Susan, the children's mother, has been working full time all summer, but the children aren't seeing a penny of it - the money she's earning is going towards a college fund for herself. She wants to go to university and study astrophysics. This is the same woman who tells her children, age 14, nine, six and four, that she wants to kill herself and it is their fault. D has had the six-year-old on the phone in tears more than once because Susan told her that. She is completely insane (I mean that literally - she's paranoid depressive, has come close to being sectioned more than once since Deb first met Ray). The children are on the verge of being taken into care, and if that happened, D&R have agreed to take them.
So, the children aren't going to get a holiday, poor dabs, because neither of their parents will lift a finger on their behalf, and aren't prepared to compromise. Shouldn't their children come first?
Course, all this also means that Ray is not going to be in the best of moods on holiday next week.
The oldest girl, Shanei, is in South Africa at the moment visiting her grandmother and natural father. She's due back shortly after our holiday ends, and the original plan was that Antony would collect the other children at the same time that he picks her up from Heathrow, with D&R keeping them until then. What are the chances D&R get a phone call to say he can't afford to drive to Heathrow to get her, so can they collect her and buy her a train ticket to Cornwall? She's 14.
And...I know it's easy to get into financial difficulties. I know that families are there to help one another out. But there's a huge difference between genuine need and taking advantage, and A&S crossed that line a very long time ago. For everything they are offered, they only demand more. They don't need, they want. Worse, they expect. They want and expect to simply take, all the time, never offer anything in return. Not even gratitude.
These people are insane. Makes me feel glad for my own family, warts and all.
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no subject
Date: 2007-08-21 07:27 pm (UTC)Sorry... Looks like you just inadvertently popped some sort of emotional cork on me...
I obviously feel for those kids - This is the sort of thing that will shape them (missing out on spending time with their extended family and feeling betrayed by parents for being wobbly about commitments and making self-centered choices.) My Mom never had any money but she also didn't make promises she didn't intend to keep and she knew the value of making the occasional sacrifice for her kids - Which, in turn, taught me how much she cared about me and to appreciate how valuable those rare treats/sacrifices were. If she *said* we'd do something and we didn't have the money for it in the end, she would simply find a way of making it work rather than backing out on a commitment.
no subject
Date: 2007-08-21 07:55 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2007-08-21 10:56 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2007-08-22 05:24 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2007-08-21 08:21 pm (UTC)*pets*
That's exactly what's making me so mad about this situation. I mean, we weren't exactly delighted at the idea of having our family holiday hijacked by these children that we don't actually know, but were perfectly prepared to make the best of it, for Ray's sake and for theirs. Because it's all family, at the end of the day, even if only by marriage and extension. But that their own parents care so little about their needs, think only of themselves, let them down so badly - it really makes me see red. Those kids must lead a hell of a life, I feel really bad for them. And for my brother-in-law, who also feels terribly betrayed and let down by his family.
no subject
Date: 2007-08-21 10:54 pm (UTC)Still, I think the point is that things mean *so much* to kids and adults tend to forget that. What seems like a small, insignificant daily occurrence to us can literally shape a child's life and stay with them forever.
no subject
Date: 2007-08-21 07:54 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2007-08-21 08:17 pm (UTC)Ray is my sister's husband, Antony is his brother. So it's my brother-in-law's nephews and niece that were going to join us on holiday, but now won't be, the utterly mad family my sister married into. Ray has said more than once that he feels more a part of our family now than his own, even though he and D live a pretty long way away, because he has more contact with us than his mother and brother, who only really make any effort with him when they want something.
Families are complicated beasts.
I've always said that if you walk down any average suburban street, knocking on random doors and popping in for a cuppa and a chat, you'd soon unearth enough drama, scandal and tragedy to keep the average soap opera in storylines for years. Real life can be way stranger than fiction!
no subject
Date: 2007-08-22 12:21 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2007-08-22 05:26 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2007-08-22 11:34 pm (UTC)Poor kids. :(
no subject
Date: 2007-08-26 02:46 pm (UTC)Can't believe those people!!! poor poor kids!
But also that Deb and Ray are in that position because of such weird people.
If they are taken into care and Deb and Ray would take them in? Then how will they manage that? taking 4 kids in isn't exactly nothing!
Respect, for Deb and Ray!