Crossroad Blues
*loves Dean for being sneaky and clever and not giving in to temptation*
*loves Sam for seeing only the positive aspects of hunting at the moment – such a far cry from a year ago*
*loves both boys because they are trying so hard to move on with their lives, to deal with what's happened, but it's always there, just beneath the surface.*
Okay, first point I'd like to make is that I kinda like the Then and Now captions they've got going on this season, but…in this episode Now segues straight into 1938. Now, to my way of thinking, 1938 does not qualify as 'now', by any stretch of the imagination. But that's just me. :D
And I have to confess that I'm even more clueless about Robert Johnson than Sam is. I was also clueless about H.H. Holmes the other week, so my education is clearly sadly lacking in certain areas.
Got to love how the boys always manage to hook up with wireless Internet access, wherever they are. I'm still just happy they've got a new laptop at last. We get a very brief glimpse of Dean's mugshot on the FBI database, but if you look really closely you'll see his vital stats displayed alongside the picture. Pretty much the same details that we were given in The Benders, but with one crucial difference – this time around they've got his height at a credible 6'1" instead of falsely pegging him at the same height as Sam!
I love the early scenes in the diner and outside the animal protection agency. They're so comfortable and relaxed with each other these days, it's almost like season one all over again, and that easy relationship has been so hard earned this season it's beautiful to see. They're starting to heal. But there's still a long way to go, as this episode proves.
At the diner, Sam's actually kinda snotty about Dean's fugitive status, while Dean seems determined not to take it seriously. I dunno, maybe Sam is just jealous ;) because it's hardly Dean's fault he's wanted for murders committed by the shapeshifter. Sam's right, though – they do need to be more careful, and this will make their jobs harder. It's Dean who is wanted for murders he can't prove he didn't commit, but it affects them both, very much. They're in this together. It's not the most private place they could have chosen for this conversation, though! Nice job keeping a low profile, boys, discussing Dean's status as St Louis' most wanted in the middle of the diner like that.
The banter and teasing is so much fun.
The picture Dean holds up to illustrate a Black Dog is Fenrir, btw. This episode is just chock-full of all things google-able.
I love when they dress up. The suits are fab. They've invested in new shirts and ties this season. I also love Dean teasing Sam with the receptionist's personal information…if Sam didn't rise to the bait every time, Dean would get bored of playing him like this! But it's also another sign of Dean slowly getting back to something approaching his old self, making the most of random opportunities for casual flirting. We haven't seen that so far this season. And I just adore his utter befuddlement about the MySpace address! :lol:
The light-hearted banter and air of casual relaxation between the boys in the early stages of the episode just makes it hit all the harder when the angst strikes later on.
I love how good they are at what they do, so alert to any sign of anything potentially relevant to the case. Like the yarrow flowers – got to love seeing the inner botanists coming out there! They need to know about all kinds of really random things in their line of work.
Love also that Dean is just as capable of getting his geek on as Sam, just about very different things, in general, and with very different delivery – Sam tends to come across in very teacher-y fashion more often than not, while Dean tends to be more casual about it.
DEAN: "Crossroads are where pacts are made. These people are actually making deals with the damn thing. You know, 'cause that always ends good."
That bitter, sarcastic little comment is the first sign of Dean's negative reaction to this case, as soon as he realises just how close it cuts to home. And from that moment on, Sam starts to watch his brother increasingly closely. They've flip-flopped since this time a year ago – back then, saving lives was Dean's number one priority, whether they'd brought it on themselves or not, while Sam had times of being rather more reluctant to get involved, having other things on his mind. Now, though, Dean is the one riddled with doubt and too chewed up by his own issues to see the way forward clearly when the case strikes such a painful nerve as this, while Sam is the one focusing intently on the saving lives mission statement as a reason to keep going.
I like the artist, George Darrow. He's bitter and resentful of the way his life has turned out, and wearily prepared to face the consequences of his own actions, acknowledging his own responsibility and guilt, for himself and for the other people affected. I also like that the brothers are so willing to keep their minds open and pick up new tricks even from such unexpected sources as this – they rarely if ever make the mistake of believing they know everything they need to.
Dean's fondness for kicking doors open is always wonderful. Sam stopping him kicking the lounge door open is even more wonderful. Dean's in full-blown bull-in-china-shop mode with Evan, while Sam – who, judging by a couple of his comments, disapproves of making deals with demons just as much as his brother – is more conciliatory, not wanting to antagonise the man. Dean just doesn't care if he antagonises him – he's too angry. But he's not volatile, as he was back in Children Shouldn't Play With Dead Things; he's in full control of himself and his temper these days. Evan's story – making a deal with a demon to save his wife's life – is just too close to home for comfort, though, raising all kinds of painful parallels. Dean knows only too well how it feels to be on the receiving end of a deal like that, and it isn't fun.
DEAN: "Did you ever think about her in all this?"
EVAN: "I did this for her."
DEAN: "You sure 'bout that? I think you did it for yourself. So you wouldn't have to live without her. But guess what – she's going to have to live without you now. But what if she knew how much it cost, what if she knew it cost your soul, how d'you think she'd feel?"
Sam, by now, has got both eyes glued to Dean, troubled and upset, knowing where this is coming from. Just when he'd been confident that they were past this, Dean's been so much like his old self lately. But this case has knocked all the scabs off emotional wounds that are still a long way from being healed, beneath the surface. This issue is out in the open now, following CSPWDT, but I get the impression it isn't something they've really talked about in any detail – it's too painful for them both to think about, and Dean especially isn't one for opening up. It takes a situation like this for him to voice something of his inner pain, and once he's made his point to Evan about the evils of his decision ten years ago, he quickly switches back to denial. That's his favoured coping mechanism, always, and they're mid job – can't afford to lose focus now.
SAM: "Summon th…. Are you nuts?"
DEAN: "Maybe a little. But I can trap it. I can exorcise it, and I can buy us time to figure out something more permanent."
SAM: "No. No way."
DEAN: "You're not allowed to say no, Sam. Not unless you got a better idea."
SAM: "Dean, you can forget it, all right. I'm not letting you summon that demon."
DEAN: "Why not?"
SAM: "Because I don't like where your head is at right now, that's why not."
Sam's a lot more confident and comfortable with coming out and saying that now than he was a few episodes ago. Dean's upset, yes, but he's also calm and rational rather than volatile as he was back then. The issue is out in the open, and it makes a big difference. Sam points out that Dean has been on edge since they found that crossroads; Dean tries to blow it off, but Sam presses the point, mid job or not. Since Dean just announced his intention of going off and summoning the demon, and Sam can think of all kinds of really bad ways for that scenario to work out, he can't afford to let it drop.
Got to love Sam, so scared and anxious and immediately fearing the worst. Earlier in the season – in Bloodlust and CSPWDT – Sam wasn't sure he could trust Dean around the innocents in the cases they worked, wasn't sure he trusted his brother's judgement to decide who was or wasn't the victim in need of saving while in that state of mind. Dean's past that now, but this situation shows us that there's still an element of doubt in there – Sam's not entirely sure he can trust Dean with Dean's own life, and it scares him.
But, they've got hellhounds at the door and an innocent still to save. Dean takes off, and Sam gets the job of Evan Hudson's last line of defence. Love seeing Action!Sammy. I also love that we are never shown the hellhounds, they remain invisible to the last. Just hearing them barking furiously and pounding at the doors is so much more effective. Sam's face when he sees the vent that he didn't line with goofer dust is just perfect – crack in the defences, and that's all the hellhounds need to gain entry.
The twisting, distorting effect on the faces of the wife and motel guy is also very effective – so grotesque and creepy.
And, like I said before, I just love Dean for being so sneaky and clever, trapping the demon like that. Using himself as bait.... He had to know that the demon would know about John and use it against him, it was inevitable – that's what demons do. They take the truth and twist it to hurt as much as possible. And Dean knew that and willingly put himself through it, maybe wanting to test his own resolve and accepting the pain as no more than he deserves. He already blames himself for John – he didn't need a demon to tell him it's all his fault, when he already thinks it. Props to Jensen for the very subtle play of emotions across his face while the demon taunts and torments him, while Dean so slowly moves into position, backing away, drawing her in. She's being played and she can't even see it, so convinced she's foiled his attempt at trapping her and got him right where she wants him. She can't see that she's being played, because it isn't an act, and that's the thing. It's clever, but it's also self-destructive.
Deals are the demon's thing. But channelling all kinds of churning emotions into defiant bravado – that's Dean's thing, and we see him do it a few times here. And it's maybe important to remember that he has to strike the deal to save Evan because Sam's life is also on the line if he fails.
DEMON: "Look, your dad's supposed to be alive. You're supposed to be dead. So we'll just set things straight, put things back in their natural order. And you get ten extra years on top. That's a bonus."
DEAN: "You think you could…throw in a set of steak knives?"
At this point, the bravado of his delivery has completely gone, and he sounds very shaky, but this is the point where his trap springs shut, because she's stepped beneath the second devil's trap, and he's got her. And from his point on he starts to sound more like himself, now that he's got her where he wanted her and doesn't have to use his father's death and his own feelings about that sacrifice as bait for the trap any more. Way to torment himself, testing his own resolve. But also, yay Dean, for being sneaky and clever and having both a plan A and a plan B that were actually the same plan twice over!
Chanting exorcism rituals in Latin is just never not hot, whichever of them is doing it, and whatever their pronunciation.
The wind that starts to blow in Evan's lounge – that's part of the exorcism, right? It's affecting the hellhound as well as the demon, I guess. That it blows away the goofer dust and breaks Sam's non-circle (it's an oval, so not truly circular!) just represents the downside of operating on the hoof like this, and allows them to pad things out a bit by amping up the danger to Sam and Evan.
Heh @ sealing the deal with a kiss – lasts a lot longer than Robert Johnson's did! These demonic types just can't stop throwing themselves at Dean…
DEAN: "You know, I usually like to be warned before I'm violated with demon tongue." :lol:
I'm not surprised Dean is sorely tempted to finish the exorcism once Evan's safety was guaranteed – ridding the world of evil things is his role in life, after all, and letting a demon go runs deeply against the grain. Plus, if he lets her out, he's endangering himself, surely. Except not, because she's already flat out admitted that she prefers emotional pain to physical attack or killing, so she takes her revenge in the form of twisting the emotional knife, and then departs quickly, leaving Dean with nothing to direct his anger at.
I love that the boys debrief completely after this case. Dean tells Sam everything that happened, everything the demon said, doesn't try to hold it in and deal with it alone. Sam has to be told – John was his dad, too. He has a right to full disclosure. The demon told Dean that John was in hell, and they probably already suspected as much, alongside their now confirmed suspicions about the deal he struck – his soul for Dean's life. This is another part of John's legacy: that his sons have to live with the knowledge of what he did and where he is as a result. It's painful for them both, and Dean already held himself responsible.
DEAN: "How could he do it?"
SAM: "He did it for you."
Sam has to say that – it's the truth, and needs to be said, and Dean needs to hear it, and it's probably very comforting for Sam to hold onto that thought. But that's the central problem right there, for Dean, because that's the bit that Dean really doesn't understand. He simply does not believe that his life is worth his father's, and that's at a deep subconscious level, fundamental to his being, and not easily resolved.
SAM: "How many people do you think Dad saved, in total?"
DEAN: "That's not the point, Sam."
SAM: "Evan Hudson is safe, because of what Dad taught us. That's his legacy, Dean. Now we're still here, man. So we gotta keep going. For him."
But I think that's also part of Dean's trouble, to be honest. He's always been so committed to this life, been content with what he does and drawn deep satisfaction from it…but we know that he harbours regrets that this life was chosen for him, with no opt-out clause. John's death, John's sacrifice – it's trapped him more securely in this life than ever. No way out. He has to carry on, whether he wants to or not, because he owes it to John, the only way he can repay the massive price that was paid for his life. And it's a heavy burden on days like this, that sense of contentment and satisfaction taken from him by the situation he finds himself in.
Sam, on the other hand, has had the opposite reaction to John's death – his desire to live up to the standard John set making him more committed to a life of hunting than he's ever been. We saw that in Everybody Loves A Clown, and it's shining through again here, in a more resolute fashion as something he's had time to mull over and resolve upon. Sam has belatedly discovered the positive aspects of a hunting lifestyle, and focusing on them is helping him deal with John's death.
But he's also struggling to come to terms with the circumstances of John's death – and struggling even more with Dean's reaction, worried about his brother and what he's going through, which is so much more complicated than simply grieving for a father he was tremendously close to.
SAM: "Dean. When you were trapping that demon, you weren't…? I mean, it was all a trick, right? You never considered actually making that deal, right?"
Oh, Sam. He looks like a scared little boy, frightened of what the answer to his question might be.
Dean avoids looking at Sam, keeps his eyes fixed on the road ahead, and switches the melancholy blues to loud headbanging rock to avoid answering the question. Dean doesn't put as much effort into reassuring Sam this season – he can't, because so much of what's troubling Sam this season is Dean himself.
Sam's face…biting back tears again, distraught at the implied acknowledgement that yes, Dean was sorely tempted. Does he really believe that his brother wouldn't be tempted by an offer like that? Can't he be happy just knowing that the temptation was resisted? But he has to ask.
Thing is, though, I don't think Sam really has anything to worry about on that score. The temptation was huge, because the thought of John suffering in hell for Dean's sake is beyond horrific for Dean to contemplate. But, on the flipside, Dean knows how it feels to be on the receiving end of one of those demonic deals and his reaction to Evan's deal for his wife indicates that he wouldn't want to inflict that on anyone else. Plus, his belief that supernatural equals evil is very deeply ingrained – making deals with demons is just plain wrong, he believes that very strongly and that's a large part of why he's been so angry with John. John compromised his belief system by making that deal, and he did it for Dean, but he did it without asking, and I think Dean's having a hard time not wishing he hadn't. He's not about to go making deals with any demons himself, no matter how much he wants his dad back and free of suffering. It's a horrible position to be in, and a horrible position for Sam to see him in and be unable to help.
So, the episode ends with both boys upset all over again, just when they'd been doing so well, attempting to deal with their grief and move on with their lives, and slowly getting back to normal.
No new episode this week, what with Thanksgiving and all, but damn, that SOON preview looks amazing.
Full recap & episode banner to follow
*loves Dean for being sneaky and clever and not giving in to temptation*
*loves Sam for seeing only the positive aspects of hunting at the moment – such a far cry from a year ago*
*loves both boys because they are trying so hard to move on with their lives, to deal with what's happened, but it's always there, just beneath the surface.*
Okay, first point I'd like to make is that I kinda like the Then and Now captions they've got going on this season, but…in this episode Now segues straight into 1938. Now, to my way of thinking, 1938 does not qualify as 'now', by any stretch of the imagination. But that's just me. :D
And I have to confess that I'm even more clueless about Robert Johnson than Sam is. I was also clueless about H.H. Holmes the other week, so my education is clearly sadly lacking in certain areas.
Got to love how the boys always manage to hook up with wireless Internet access, wherever they are. I'm still just happy they've got a new laptop at last. We get a very brief glimpse of Dean's mugshot on the FBI database, but if you look really closely you'll see his vital stats displayed alongside the picture. Pretty much the same details that we were given in The Benders, but with one crucial difference – this time around they've got his height at a credible 6'1" instead of falsely pegging him at the same height as Sam!
I love the early scenes in the diner and outside the animal protection agency. They're so comfortable and relaxed with each other these days, it's almost like season one all over again, and that easy relationship has been so hard earned this season it's beautiful to see. They're starting to heal. But there's still a long way to go, as this episode proves.
At the diner, Sam's actually kinda snotty about Dean's fugitive status, while Dean seems determined not to take it seriously. I dunno, maybe Sam is just jealous ;) because it's hardly Dean's fault he's wanted for murders committed by the shapeshifter. Sam's right, though – they do need to be more careful, and this will make their jobs harder. It's Dean who is wanted for murders he can't prove he didn't commit, but it affects them both, very much. They're in this together. It's not the most private place they could have chosen for this conversation, though! Nice job keeping a low profile, boys, discussing Dean's status as St Louis' most wanted in the middle of the diner like that.
The banter and teasing is so much fun.
The picture Dean holds up to illustrate a Black Dog is Fenrir, btw. This episode is just chock-full of all things google-able.
I love when they dress up. The suits are fab. They've invested in new shirts and ties this season. I also love Dean teasing Sam with the receptionist's personal information…if Sam didn't rise to the bait every time, Dean would get bored of playing him like this! But it's also another sign of Dean slowly getting back to something approaching his old self, making the most of random opportunities for casual flirting. We haven't seen that so far this season. And I just adore his utter befuddlement about the MySpace address! :lol:
The light-hearted banter and air of casual relaxation between the boys in the early stages of the episode just makes it hit all the harder when the angst strikes later on.
I love how good they are at what they do, so alert to any sign of anything potentially relevant to the case. Like the yarrow flowers – got to love seeing the inner botanists coming out there! They need to know about all kinds of really random things in their line of work.
Love also that Dean is just as capable of getting his geek on as Sam, just about very different things, in general, and with very different delivery – Sam tends to come across in very teacher-y fashion more often than not, while Dean tends to be more casual about it.
DEAN: "Crossroads are where pacts are made. These people are actually making deals with the damn thing. You know, 'cause that always ends good."
That bitter, sarcastic little comment is the first sign of Dean's negative reaction to this case, as soon as he realises just how close it cuts to home. And from that moment on, Sam starts to watch his brother increasingly closely. They've flip-flopped since this time a year ago – back then, saving lives was Dean's number one priority, whether they'd brought it on themselves or not, while Sam had times of being rather more reluctant to get involved, having other things on his mind. Now, though, Dean is the one riddled with doubt and too chewed up by his own issues to see the way forward clearly when the case strikes such a painful nerve as this, while Sam is the one focusing intently on the saving lives mission statement as a reason to keep going.
I like the artist, George Darrow. He's bitter and resentful of the way his life has turned out, and wearily prepared to face the consequences of his own actions, acknowledging his own responsibility and guilt, for himself and for the other people affected. I also like that the brothers are so willing to keep their minds open and pick up new tricks even from such unexpected sources as this – they rarely if ever make the mistake of believing they know everything they need to.
Dean's fondness for kicking doors open is always wonderful. Sam stopping him kicking the lounge door open is even more wonderful. Dean's in full-blown bull-in-china-shop mode with Evan, while Sam – who, judging by a couple of his comments, disapproves of making deals with demons just as much as his brother – is more conciliatory, not wanting to antagonise the man. Dean just doesn't care if he antagonises him – he's too angry. But he's not volatile, as he was back in Children Shouldn't Play With Dead Things; he's in full control of himself and his temper these days. Evan's story – making a deal with a demon to save his wife's life – is just too close to home for comfort, though, raising all kinds of painful parallels. Dean knows only too well how it feels to be on the receiving end of a deal like that, and it isn't fun.
DEAN: "Did you ever think about her in all this?"
EVAN: "I did this for her."
DEAN: "You sure 'bout that? I think you did it for yourself. So you wouldn't have to live without her. But guess what – she's going to have to live without you now. But what if she knew how much it cost, what if she knew it cost your soul, how d'you think she'd feel?"
Sam, by now, has got both eyes glued to Dean, troubled and upset, knowing where this is coming from. Just when he'd been confident that they were past this, Dean's been so much like his old self lately. But this case has knocked all the scabs off emotional wounds that are still a long way from being healed, beneath the surface. This issue is out in the open now, following CSPWDT, but I get the impression it isn't something they've really talked about in any detail – it's too painful for them both to think about, and Dean especially isn't one for opening up. It takes a situation like this for him to voice something of his inner pain, and once he's made his point to Evan about the evils of his decision ten years ago, he quickly switches back to denial. That's his favoured coping mechanism, always, and they're mid job – can't afford to lose focus now.
SAM: "Summon th…. Are you nuts?"
DEAN: "Maybe a little. But I can trap it. I can exorcise it, and I can buy us time to figure out something more permanent."
SAM: "No. No way."
DEAN: "You're not allowed to say no, Sam. Not unless you got a better idea."
SAM: "Dean, you can forget it, all right. I'm not letting you summon that demon."
DEAN: "Why not?"
SAM: "Because I don't like where your head is at right now, that's why not."
Sam's a lot more confident and comfortable with coming out and saying that now than he was a few episodes ago. Dean's upset, yes, but he's also calm and rational rather than volatile as he was back then. The issue is out in the open, and it makes a big difference. Sam points out that Dean has been on edge since they found that crossroads; Dean tries to blow it off, but Sam presses the point, mid job or not. Since Dean just announced his intention of going off and summoning the demon, and Sam can think of all kinds of really bad ways for that scenario to work out, he can't afford to let it drop.
Got to love Sam, so scared and anxious and immediately fearing the worst. Earlier in the season – in Bloodlust and CSPWDT – Sam wasn't sure he could trust Dean around the innocents in the cases they worked, wasn't sure he trusted his brother's judgement to decide who was or wasn't the victim in need of saving while in that state of mind. Dean's past that now, but this situation shows us that there's still an element of doubt in there – Sam's not entirely sure he can trust Dean with Dean's own life, and it scares him.
But, they've got hellhounds at the door and an innocent still to save. Dean takes off, and Sam gets the job of Evan Hudson's last line of defence. Love seeing Action!Sammy. I also love that we are never shown the hellhounds, they remain invisible to the last. Just hearing them barking furiously and pounding at the doors is so much more effective. Sam's face when he sees the vent that he didn't line with goofer dust is just perfect – crack in the defences, and that's all the hellhounds need to gain entry.
The twisting, distorting effect on the faces of the wife and motel guy is also very effective – so grotesque and creepy.
And, like I said before, I just love Dean for being so sneaky and clever, trapping the demon like that. Using himself as bait.... He had to know that the demon would know about John and use it against him, it was inevitable – that's what demons do. They take the truth and twist it to hurt as much as possible. And Dean knew that and willingly put himself through it, maybe wanting to test his own resolve and accepting the pain as no more than he deserves. He already blames himself for John – he didn't need a demon to tell him it's all his fault, when he already thinks it. Props to Jensen for the very subtle play of emotions across his face while the demon taunts and torments him, while Dean so slowly moves into position, backing away, drawing her in. She's being played and she can't even see it, so convinced she's foiled his attempt at trapping her and got him right where she wants him. She can't see that she's being played, because it isn't an act, and that's the thing. It's clever, but it's also self-destructive.
Deals are the demon's thing. But channelling all kinds of churning emotions into defiant bravado – that's Dean's thing, and we see him do it a few times here. And it's maybe important to remember that he has to strike the deal to save Evan because Sam's life is also on the line if he fails.
DEMON: "Look, your dad's supposed to be alive. You're supposed to be dead. So we'll just set things straight, put things back in their natural order. And you get ten extra years on top. That's a bonus."
DEAN: "You think you could…throw in a set of steak knives?"
At this point, the bravado of his delivery has completely gone, and he sounds very shaky, but this is the point where his trap springs shut, because she's stepped beneath the second devil's trap, and he's got her. And from his point on he starts to sound more like himself, now that he's got her where he wanted her and doesn't have to use his father's death and his own feelings about that sacrifice as bait for the trap any more. Way to torment himself, testing his own resolve. But also, yay Dean, for being sneaky and clever and having both a plan A and a plan B that were actually the same plan twice over!
Chanting exorcism rituals in Latin is just never not hot, whichever of them is doing it, and whatever their pronunciation.
The wind that starts to blow in Evan's lounge – that's part of the exorcism, right? It's affecting the hellhound as well as the demon, I guess. That it blows away the goofer dust and breaks Sam's non-circle (it's an oval, so not truly circular!) just represents the downside of operating on the hoof like this, and allows them to pad things out a bit by amping up the danger to Sam and Evan.
Heh @ sealing the deal with a kiss – lasts a lot longer than Robert Johnson's did! These demonic types just can't stop throwing themselves at Dean…
DEAN: "You know, I usually like to be warned before I'm violated with demon tongue." :lol:
I'm not surprised Dean is sorely tempted to finish the exorcism once Evan's safety was guaranteed – ridding the world of evil things is his role in life, after all, and letting a demon go runs deeply against the grain. Plus, if he lets her out, he's endangering himself, surely. Except not, because she's already flat out admitted that she prefers emotional pain to physical attack or killing, so she takes her revenge in the form of twisting the emotional knife, and then departs quickly, leaving Dean with nothing to direct his anger at.
I love that the boys debrief completely after this case. Dean tells Sam everything that happened, everything the demon said, doesn't try to hold it in and deal with it alone. Sam has to be told – John was his dad, too. He has a right to full disclosure. The demon told Dean that John was in hell, and they probably already suspected as much, alongside their now confirmed suspicions about the deal he struck – his soul for Dean's life. This is another part of John's legacy: that his sons have to live with the knowledge of what he did and where he is as a result. It's painful for them both, and Dean already held himself responsible.
DEAN: "How could he do it?"
SAM: "He did it for you."
Sam has to say that – it's the truth, and needs to be said, and Dean needs to hear it, and it's probably very comforting for Sam to hold onto that thought. But that's the central problem right there, for Dean, because that's the bit that Dean really doesn't understand. He simply does not believe that his life is worth his father's, and that's at a deep subconscious level, fundamental to his being, and not easily resolved.
SAM: "How many people do you think Dad saved, in total?"
DEAN: "That's not the point, Sam."
SAM: "Evan Hudson is safe, because of what Dad taught us. That's his legacy, Dean. Now we're still here, man. So we gotta keep going. For him."
But I think that's also part of Dean's trouble, to be honest. He's always been so committed to this life, been content with what he does and drawn deep satisfaction from it…but we know that he harbours regrets that this life was chosen for him, with no opt-out clause. John's death, John's sacrifice – it's trapped him more securely in this life than ever. No way out. He has to carry on, whether he wants to or not, because he owes it to John, the only way he can repay the massive price that was paid for his life. And it's a heavy burden on days like this, that sense of contentment and satisfaction taken from him by the situation he finds himself in.
Sam, on the other hand, has had the opposite reaction to John's death – his desire to live up to the standard John set making him more committed to a life of hunting than he's ever been. We saw that in Everybody Loves A Clown, and it's shining through again here, in a more resolute fashion as something he's had time to mull over and resolve upon. Sam has belatedly discovered the positive aspects of a hunting lifestyle, and focusing on them is helping him deal with John's death.
But he's also struggling to come to terms with the circumstances of John's death – and struggling even more with Dean's reaction, worried about his brother and what he's going through, which is so much more complicated than simply grieving for a father he was tremendously close to.
SAM: "Dean. When you were trapping that demon, you weren't…? I mean, it was all a trick, right? You never considered actually making that deal, right?"
Oh, Sam. He looks like a scared little boy, frightened of what the answer to his question might be.
Dean avoids looking at Sam, keeps his eyes fixed on the road ahead, and switches the melancholy blues to loud headbanging rock to avoid answering the question. Dean doesn't put as much effort into reassuring Sam this season – he can't, because so much of what's troubling Sam this season is Dean himself.
Sam's face…biting back tears again, distraught at the implied acknowledgement that yes, Dean was sorely tempted. Does he really believe that his brother wouldn't be tempted by an offer like that? Can't he be happy just knowing that the temptation was resisted? But he has to ask.
Thing is, though, I don't think Sam really has anything to worry about on that score. The temptation was huge, because the thought of John suffering in hell for Dean's sake is beyond horrific for Dean to contemplate. But, on the flipside, Dean knows how it feels to be on the receiving end of one of those demonic deals and his reaction to Evan's deal for his wife indicates that he wouldn't want to inflict that on anyone else. Plus, his belief that supernatural equals evil is very deeply ingrained – making deals with demons is just plain wrong, he believes that very strongly and that's a large part of why he's been so angry with John. John compromised his belief system by making that deal, and he did it for Dean, but he did it without asking, and I think Dean's having a hard time not wishing he hadn't. He's not about to go making deals with any demons himself, no matter how much he wants his dad back and free of suffering. It's a horrible position to be in, and a horrible position for Sam to see him in and be unable to help.
So, the episode ends with both boys upset all over again, just when they'd been doing so well, attempting to deal with their grief and move on with their lives, and slowly getting back to normal.
No new episode this week, what with Thanksgiving and all, but damn, that SOON preview looks amazing.
Full recap & episode banner to follow
no subject
Date: 2006-11-20 06:45 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2006-11-20 08:30 pm (UTC)You read the lot! The full recap will be even longer...;) But those I mostly just write for my own future reference *G*