You're just gonna need a little faith on this one.

[llywela]

List of Love!

It's been ages since I did one of these, but I've been feeling in need of a little season one goodness lately, and this one is an all-time favourite: perfect!

A whole miscellany of Things I Love About Faith
and other standout moments

In no particular order.

1. That opening image of the derelict house is such a horror classic – awesomely atmospheric – and the sight of the Impala pulling up outside caps it off beautifully.

I love that this episode opens on the brothers mid-case for the very first time. This is where we learn that whenever this happens, it means that Something Very Bad is going to happen to one of them.

2. I love that the teaser of this episode tells a complete, action-packed and dramatic story in and of itself, the storytelling swift and concise. Both brothers begin the episode so businesslike and focused, with Dean very much in charge and Sam co-operating fully rather than sulking as he has tended to of late; they work together in perfect harmony, the ultimate well-oiled team, united in their efforts after their recent divisions.

From Sam tripping on the stairs to Dean missing his shot, Sam getting the kids out of the house and Dean being left alone with the rawhead…the action is fast-paced, seamless and unremarkable. It's just another job.


Until it all goes wrong and Dean manages to electrocute himself as well as the rawhead.

A complete and coherent story told in under three minutes. Beginning, middle and end. Excellent job, Show.

3. That whole scene in Dean's hospital room just after his terminal diagnosis is heartbreaking.

Dean, characteristically, is fatalistic, so resigned to his impending demise that it hurts. Suck it up, soldier. Life has once again dealt him a lousy hand, but he never really expects anything better, and how he truly feels about it gets buried deep, locked away where no one can see it. Staying strong for his little brother is the most important thing, even now, maybe especially now, in the face of Sam's obvious distress.

Sam, on the other hand, is in bits: desperate to deny the diagnosis and utterly determined that this will not be the end, that he is not going to let this happen. His world has already crumbled into pieces once in recent months – how can he face up to the reality of it happening again?

Only the faintest trace of bitterness bleeds into Dean's voice as he tries to convince his brother to accept the inevitable. "I know it's not easy. But I'm gonna die. And you can't stop it."

But Sam's attitude hardens into angry defiance. "Watch me," he insists. In the last episode we saw Sam coming to the realisation that he and Dean have to stick together because each of them is all the other has…and almost immediately he is faced with the imminent loss of his brother. Plus, this is the third episode in a row where Dean has drawn the short straw and come off worse for wear, and there could well some residual guilt coming into play here about Sam's own culpability in all that. He's been making his brother's life a lot harder than it needed to be, just lately, and has suddenly run out of time to put it right. So he refuses point blank to accept the inevitable. With Dean gone and John still missing, Sam would be completely alone in the world, cast adrift. Dean is his anchor and he clings to it, refuses to even contemplate the possibility of failure.

Not the last time that this particular scenario will play out on the Show!

4. I love Sam's reaction to Dean turning up at the motel: torn between horror at the thought of his dying brother discharging himself from hospital and hauling himself all the way across town on his own, and absolute delight at seeing him because Dean is all he has right now and he is terrified that he is going to lose him.

But this scene always wrenches at my heart when I consider Dean's side. Sam so blithely explains that he has spent the last three days trying to find a way of saving his brother's life…but the fact that Dean has come to the motel looking for him suggests that in the midst of this research frenzy, as utterly focused as he has been, Sam has completely forgotten to actually spend any time at the hospital with his dying brother. It is very in character for them both. Sam's eyes are fixed on his goal, the future he wants to create, in which Dean will recover and therefore these lost days will not matter. But Dean knows only that he is sick and abandoned in the here-and-now and does not want to die alone. So he is forced, once again, to come searching for his absent family.

The fact that Dean allows Sam to help him to a chair speaks volumes for his pain and weakness. Jensen Ackles' acting never ceases to impress me – he is a tall, well-built and healthy man, and yet manages to make Dean look tremendously small and frail here.

Also in this scene, we have an early example of Sam employing subterfuge and deception to get Dean where he wants him to go, and completely comfortable so doing because, in his mind at least, the end justifies the means. Withholding information like this is one of the ways in which Sam most closely resembles his father, if only he could see it. All Dean can do is go along with the plan, lacking sufficient information to draw his own conclusions and too sick to do anything but trust his brother's well-meaning judgement – something Sam is only too happy to take advantage of.

Sam's ability and willingness to twist his brother around his little finger in order to get his own way is another well-established and consistent character trait.

5. Sam's phone call to John breaks my heart, along with so many other moments in this episode: the way he tries so hard to hold back the tears and forces himself to at least try to sound upbeat and positive, and the fact that he waited three days to make the call – waited until he had the tiniest glimmer of hope to cling to, because without that spark of hope he would just be calling with bad news, and saying it out loud makes it real.

In general, I do try where possible to understand why John behaves the way he does and make allowances for his situation…but not replying to this call is something for which I have never been able to forgive him. He may have had his reasons for not coming to be with his dying son, but there can be absolutely no excuse – other than sheer cowardice – for not even so much as returning the call.

Poor troubled Sam: facing the end of the world as he knows it, and carrying the full weight of responsibility for not letting it happen.

6. I love how very in character both brothers are as they progress into Le Grange's church tent. Sam is utterly focused on achieving his objective, which is fixing Dean. This is the only possible hope he has managed to find, and he is pinning everything on it. Dean, on the other hand, is all resigned reluctance. He thought they were going to a doctor, but instead here they are; he does not believe in faith healers, does not want to be here, and is only going through the motions because Sam needs him to.

So, Dean tries to hide away at the back of the tent, where no whack-job faith healer is likely to notice him. Sam is having none of it, however – this is his last hope, all he has to cling to, and he is willing to do whatever it takes to make it work. That means getting Dean as close to the front of the congregation as possible.

Sam quickly tries to divert Dean from his chosen spot and guide him toward the front, but his positioning means there is no way he can be subtle about it, so he succeeds only in stopping Dean dead in his tracks. He tries explaining that he wants to sit up front, but Dean's reaction, characteristically enough, runs along the lines of wtf. Right up front is the last place Dean wants to go.

This leaves Sam with just one option: physical relocation. He grabs his brother by the shoulders and determinedly hauls him in the direction he wants him to go. Since Sam is taller and heaver than Dean this is relatively easy for him to achieve, especially since Dean is currently physically handicapped by his failing heart.

Dean, of course, is as prickly as a hedgehog about the manhandling, resenting the entire situation deeply. He is way outside his comfort zone in all kinds of ways. We don't know where they have travelled from, but it is safe to say that it was a long and uncomfortable journey for a dying man. He firmly believes that the faith healer is a charlatan. Sam tricked him into coming here in the first place and is now adding insult to injury with this unsubtle demonstration of his superior strength, an unwelcome reminder of Dean's current debilitation.

Still, because this is so very important to Sam, Dean compromises by submitting to the relocation with as bad a grace as possible, allowing Sam to manoeuvre him a good few steps before shrugging his brother off. And Sam doesn't bat an eyelid at his brother's ill humour, since he has got what he wanted, which was Dean as close to the front as possible.

It's all so very them, on all counts, and seeing Sam so determinedly take control here makes for a nice contrast with the teaser, in which Dean was so very much in charge.

7. "Look, no disrespect, but I'm not exactly a believer."
"You will be, son. You will be."

Fast-forward three years, and Roy's words start to look more prophetic than even he could have realised!

8. I love that Sam's first refuge is research, of both the supernatural and non-supernatural variety. It is so very, very Sam – when confronted by a problem of any magnitude, his first impulse is always to seek as much information as he possibly can in order to both fully understand the situation and seek a resolution.

Sam has faith, absolute faith, that there is always a solution to every problem, if he just tries hard enough to find it. And once he has set his sights on a particular goal, he rushes at it headlong, utterly single-minded in his pursuit of that objective and blind to all other considerations. It is one of his most consistent characteristics.

9. Dean's body language is perfect for his situation – hunched over, defensive and in pain, but determined to manage on his own.


10. "Maybe God works in mysterious ways."

"Maybe he does. I think you just turned me around on the subject."

Hee. Even at death's door, Dean can still manage to flirt.

11. At the hospital, Sam is just completely and utterly shell-shocked, and his face when he is told that Dean is going to die is heartbreaking.


That progression there, from horrified disbelief, through shock and devastation to steely denial, tears threatening but grimly held back? That pretty much summarises Sam's journey through the early stages of this episode in a nutshell.

12. I love the way Sam kind of sprints around the car to help Dean get out, despite the fact that Dean was actually managing perfectly well, albeit slowly, by himself.

This is unfamiliar territory for both brothers. All their lives, Dean has been the one taking care of Sam, and he has got it down to a fine art, makes it look effortless. Sam, on the other hand, has never had to be the caregiver before, certainly not on his own like this. The role is intensely unfamiliar and it shows, as he completely over-does it in his eagerness to get it right, his awkward, fumbling efforts emphasising Dean's weakness instead of providing simple, subtle support for him to lean on.

Dean, of course, accustomed as he is to being the caretaker of the family, is deeply uncomfortable that his brother is seeing him so weak. Dean defines himself by how useful he can be to the people he cares about, needs to be needed, and hates being made to feel helpless and vulnerable. He has spent so many years taking care of himself as well as everyone else, having to take care of himself, that he has no idea how to let himself be looked after. So, Sam's clumsy attempt at helping succeeds only in putting Dean's back up, and he quickly shakes his brother off.

Plus, of course, the jig is now up and Dean can see for himself just where his brother has brought him – to see a faith healer. His annoyance at the deception Sam employed to get him here is as understandable as his scepticism at the very notion of a faith healer is characteristic.

13. I love when Sam tries to be all sneaky and covert – he always looks so shifty!



14. "But if you know evil's out there, how can you not believe good's out there, too?"
"Because I've seen what evil does to good people."

I love the consistency of the show. This debate has been running for four seasons now, and the relative positions of the brothers have not really changed in that time. Dean still finds it easier to believe in evil, which he has encountered on an almost daily basis for most of his life, than in good, since he has so much less tangible experience of anything of the kind – although season four has opened his eyes and mind considerably. Sam, on the other hand, sheltered as he has always been by his brother's unconditional love, has remained more open-minded throughout: willing to believe in a greater good whatever apparent evidence to the contrary life throws at him. His faith has been dented and diminished over the years, but never extinguished.

15. I love how the brothers each act as the other's moral compass. Whenever one is pushed toward the wrong side of that fine line they must tread, for whatever reason, the other is always there to pull him back.
Here, Dean is furious at the notion of anybody playing God and messing with innocent lives. Both brothers always take it badly when humans start messing with the supernatural – as if their jobs aren't hard enough already, without that. So, realising that a human was responsible for his healing, exchanging his life for that of an innocent and thus creating this terrible burden of guilt he now feels, Dean's outrage informs his reaction. Only a monster would do such a thing, and such a monster must die. He sounds cold and calm but that is how upset he is about this.
Sam, however, is horrified at the thought of taking a human life themselves, even that of the man they believe responsible, and provides the voice of reason to persuade Dean to an alternate course of action that doesn't involve getting their own hands dirty. This is why the brothers need each other so very much – they always balance one another so perfectly, keeping each other in line.

16. I love that Dean's body language positively screams his reluctance and discomfort throughout the scenes in the church tent, from spotting the security camera through the awkward moment in which he unwittingly draws Le Grange's attention to himself, and on to his healing and beyond.

I love that he is so massively reluctant to go forward when Roy calls him up to be healed. It is another hugely consistent character trait. For all his little vanities and flirtatious ways, Dean is deeply uncomfortable with being singled out of a crowd in any way – this is something he even admits about himself, three years later in Are You There God? It's Me, Dean Winchester.

Dean is a laid-back and sociable guy by nature, but the majority of his extrovert ways are a shield behind which to hide his inner insecurities; he draws superficial attention to himself to try to deflect anyone from looking more closely and seeing how unworthy he feels inside – or, worse, agreeing with that self-assessment. If he draws the attention to himself, that's fine, it's something he chose and has control over. But if attention turns to him unbidden, without his having asked for it, that just freaks him out. So, being singled out of a crowd like this – a whole tent full of people who need help just as much as he does? Deep discomfort. And he still doesn't believe the guy can help him anyway.

17. I love that for once the cops are there to express gratitude, rather than to run the brothers out of town.


18. I love that as he makes his way up to the platform, Dean has to grab onto a tent post for balance, and Sue Ann then helps him up the steps, his progress very obviously laboured – no one in the tent could be in any doubt that he needs this.



19. Sam looks so young in this episode!

So does Dean, for that matter.

Also, re-watching this episode always reminds me just how intensely I love the de-saturated colours and beautiful cinematography of season one.

20. Poor Sam is on pins throughout the scenes in the church tent. He went to such lengths to get Dean here, but from that point on it is out of his hands; everything depends on the faith healer now: on whether or not the man chooses Dean, out of all these needy people, and on whether or not the man really can perform the miraculous healings he claims. This is It, Sam's last, desperate hope of saving his brother.

Sam's reactions are perfect throughout: delight when Le Grange calls Dean up to the platform, disbelief when Dean at first refuses to go, and barely able to breathe with nervous anticipation as he waits to see if it will work.

21. I love Sam's 'thinking' face.


22. The entire tent erupts with delight when Dean collapses on stage. This always seems insane to me. I mean: total collapse isn't exactly the most obvious sign of healing! It looks more like the complete opposite, in fact.


Sam's panicked sprint to his brother's side is a far more realistic reaction.

See how he runs so fast he's a mere blur! That alarm is a great contrast to the joyous reactions of the rest of the crowd. These people have absolute faith in Le Grange's ability to heal. Sam, in contrast, came here in desperate hope, rather than belief.

Sam still sucks at the first aid, though. Fisting his brother's jacket and shaking him around probably wouldn't be the most useful of treatment if Dean had had another heart attack! His clumsy concern is all kinds of cute, however.

23. I just really love this image of the brothers peering into the church tent.


24. "Why? Why me? Out of all the sick people, why save me?"
"Well, like I said before, the Lord guides me. I looked into your heart, and you just stood out from all the rest."
"What did you see in my heart?"
"A young man with an important purpose. A job to do. And it isn't finished."

Dean's conversation with Roy Le Grange is awesome on a number of levels. Why me? Dean asks, and again we see how he struggles with the concept of being chosen, singled out, when so many others were also in great need. This is such an important episode in our early understanding of this character, providing tremendous insight into the insecurities and innate humility lurking behind Dean's confident exterior.

As for Roy's pronouncement that Dean has an important purpose, a job to do that isn't finished…well, that is a statement that positively resounds with renewed meaning once we get to season four! It is fascinating to look back upon this devout man and realise just how insightful his words truly are.

25. I love that the brothers find a doctor to confirm Dean's healing, rather than taking it at face value. It was hope that took them to Le Grange, rather than faith, and thus it takes independent verification to prove the miracle. I also love that in the doctor's surgery, even after all the tests have been run, Sam is still asking if Dean really feels okay. He has probably asked a thousand times since Dean was healed, needing that reassurance over and over, like a child. He was absolutely terrified of losing his brother.

The brothers' differing reactions to Dean's healing are striking. Sam is just overjoyed, practically bouncing with puppy-dog excitement. His plan worked, Dean isn't going to die, and that is all that matters. It's all he cares about, and all he can think about, just the overwhelming rush of that relief.

Dean, on the other hand, is sombre, his attitude troubled and contemplative. He knows from the start that something isn't right, and so can take no pleasure in his restored health.

Bless him, Sam doesn't want to let his high deflate, doesn't want to acknowledge any kind of problem here, still less contemplate the implications. But he trusts his brother's instincts too much not to agree to investigate, however reluctantly that agreement is given – and probably also feels that he owes Dean the indulgence of his concerns, at the very least.

26. I kinda hate Mrs Rourke for reinforcing Dean's belief that other lives are more important than his.

"Why do you deserve to live more than my daughter?" she snarls. Pure poison. And yet her reaction can be understood and even sympathised with, coming as it does from a place of desperation, as she faces the prospect of losing her daughter. Desperation and fear can drive people to all kinds of extremes – as this episode provides more than one example.

I kind of wish that Sam was around to leap to his brother's defence here, as Dean is incapable of doing it himself. Why should he deserve to live more than Layla? He has no answer, because he doesn't believe that he does.

On the other hand, however, why should Layla deserve to live more than Dean? They were both terminally ill going into the service, and Dean's death sentence was a lot more imminent than Layla's – a matter of days, or weeks if he was lucky, rather than months. The congregation was full of sick and injured people, and only one was singled out for healing. So who has the right to decide that one life is more valuable than another, to decide who gets to live and who should die? It is a fascinating and rather painful point to consider, even before the truth of the situation comes out, and Mrs Rourke's accusation hits Dean hard.

27. Dean distracting the cops is pure filler – but so very in character.



28. I love that when Dean gets back to the motel after seeing Le Grange, the first thing Sam does is apologise. He can't even look his brother in the face as he explains what he has learned: that for every person Roy heals, someone else dies in their place – which means that an innocent man died to enable Dean's healing. This is a tremendously powerful scene, emotionally raw.

Sam knows exactly how badly Dean will take the notion of someone else's life being exchanged for his. And take it badly he does, absolutely appalled to hear his worst fears confirmed.

Dean's reaction here is what makes him a genuine hero, whether he realises it or not (which, obviously, he doesn't). He would absolutely give his life back to that other man if he could, no question, never for one moment considers his own salvation to be worth the price paid.

That must make Sam feel worse, because I don't think he would. Even now he knows the price, as much as he regrets the loss of an innocent life, I don't think he would consider reversing it for so much as a second, even if it were possible. He considers keeping Dean alive to absolutely be worth it – but he can't say so, especially not when Dean is so horrified. He can't regret his brother's healing, so all he can do is try to justify it.

All Sam wanted to do was keep his brother alive. He was desperate for a miracle and he found one, invested everything he had into making it happen. But he was completely unprepared for any consequences. That's Sam all over. And what's interesting is that this episode sparked a great debate over whether or not Sam would still have taken Dean to the faith healer even if he had known in advance what the price would be. It is especially interesting to speculate with the hindsight of later seasons, knowing that the Sam he will become absolutely would have done it, no question.

29. This episode really knows how to twist the knife. It is heartbreaking to see Dean realise that he must deny Layla her healing, the same healing he has already received, and unable to explain why.

I love the framing of this scene: Mrs Rourke on one side and Sue-Ann Le Grange on the other, each of them urging Layla forward even as Dean tries to persuade her to turn back.


Of course Layla can't do it – she has faith in Le Grange and has already seen Dean receive his healing. Why shouldn't she at least take the chance of being similarly healed when it is offered? She knows what her illness is doing to her mother. She can't turn her back on the possibility of salvation, for all Dean's desperate urging. He badly wants her to have it, as well, but still does the right thing and creates a distraction to prevent the healing.

You can see how much he hates himself for it, though. Why should Dean deserve to live more than Layla? Why did Roy choose him and not her? Those questions are written all over his face.

30. I love the flashlight-fu as the brothers so efficiently search the derelict house.


Why yes, I am easily pleased. What of it?

31. I love that when Sam finds Sue Ann's altar, the photograph of Dean he finds on it is recognisably taken from the security camera from when the brothers first entered the church tent – Dean even commented on it at the time.

I also love the way the camera pans past the photograph of Dean a couple of times before zooming in on it.


32. Dean's conversation with Layla outside the tent, after he prevented her healing, is painful. He just ruined what might have been her only chance to be saved and she is deeply hurt, can't understand why he did it, but is still willing to forgive – and that only twists the knife in the wound.

Once again it is made clear how little Dean believes he deserves his restored life. Unable to understand why he was chosen, the knowledge of his healing only hurts him, rather than bringing any kind of comfort. He has devoted his life to saving others, yet now feels responsible both for taking a life and for preventing another being saved. He must really hate his job on days like this.


33. I love how effectively the show plays role reversal. Earlier, we saw Sam playing the voice of reason while Dean was too furious to think straight. Now they have flip-flopped, with Sam furious while Dean is more understanding.

Sam is probably deeply uncomfortable with how much he can identify with Sue-Ann – after all, he brought Dean here in the first place because he was absolutely desperate for a miracle, and never stopped to consider what the cost might be. So he compensates by transferring onto her the anger he is feeling toward himself. After all, it was Sam who insisted they come here, which led to Dean's healing, which led to Marshall Hall's death. But he can't acknowledge his guilt or self-reproach, because that would mean he regretted Dean's healing, and he can't do that. So he transfers all his emotional conflict onto Sue-Ann.

Dean was similarly unforgiving at first, back when they first started to figure out the case and thought it was just Roy playing God. Having just found out what the price of his healing was, he needed someone to blame for his own turbulent emotions. Now that he understands how the whole sordid situation came about, however, he is a lot more willing to empathise.

And…why yes, this is also just a very good excuse for random pictures of the brothers looking pretty. Plus, I really love the way they perch on the ends of their beds to brainstorm here.

34. "You know, if Roy would have picked Layla instead of me, she'd be healed right now. […] And if she's not healed tonight, she's gonna die in a couple months."

"What's happening to her is horrible. But what are you gonna do? Let somebody else die to save her? You said it yourself, Dean. You can't play God."

That's absolutely the right tone to take – there's nothing Sam can say that will make Dean feel better about what's happened and what they still have to do, so keeping him focused on the job at hand is totally the right way to play it. I love that Sam is so hyper-alert to Dean in this episode, having come so close to losing him.

35. I love the way the lights go out around Dean as the reaper closes in – such a classically creepy moment.



36. Call me shallow, but I love watching Dean stripping off his coat as he wanders into the motel room.


37. I love the way the scenes are inter-cut of Layla being healed by Roy and Dean being attacked by the reaper.

The contrast between the peace and joy of Layla's healing and the pain and fear of Dean's attack is tremendously effective, driving home the evil that lies behind Roy's 'gift' - evil that all those people in the tent will never be aware of. They see only the peace and joy and remain in blissful ignorance of the price being paid, out there in the dark.



38. I love when Dean looks over his shoulder like this.



39. I love the quiet, still moment of shock and confusion after Sam breaks Sue Ann's Coptic cross and releases the captive reaper.




40. I love watching the brothers sitting around brainstorming.





41. Dean has to lean on the car once he reaches it after his brush with the reaper – almost being killed (again) really takes it out of you!

I love Sam's quiet little 'you all right?' when he rejoins his brother. It was too close.


42. The ending is all kinds of cheesy, in many ways, but very fitting for the episode. This case has been really rough on Dean, and Sam knows it, and I love that he is still trying to take care of his brother as best he can, and is still all clumsy, adorkable kid brother about it.


Sam is adorably pleased with himself for getting Layla to come over and say goodbye to Dean – although, you know, it could easily have backfired on him, big time.

Dean is deeply troubled because he can't understand the rights and wrongs of what happened here. Doing the right thing didn't feel like the right thing because innocent people are still going to suffer, now that the faith healer has been shut down. It just isn't possible to save everyone.

Layla's continued faith and acceptance of her situation, therefore, touch Dean deeply. It's what he needed to hear, after everything, although the knowledge that she is still going to die remains painful.


So, yeah – it's a cheesy ending, but still tremendously touching and powerful for all that.

43. I love the way Show once again dodges a bullet by having the human perpetrator of supernatural evil killed by the reaper she had enslaved, thus saving the brothers from having to make any hard decisions about what to do with her.

This was a common tactic throughout season one, so that the moment one of the brothers took that step himself and killed a human could be played for maximum impact – A Very Big Deal. It is a little sad, sometimes, to look back and see how hardened the brothers have become to casual death since those days. It has been an inevitable result of their deteriorating circumstances, but that innocence can never be regained and it is right to mourn it.

44. Don't Fear The Reaper!


The musical sequence, contrasting the rapturous scenes of the old man being healed with the painful death of the young girl in the woods, dying in his place, is amazing. And the music, of course, is beyond perfect.

Awesome episode – one of my all-time favourites.


Screencaps made by me.