In which Jo is going to be an aunt
Feb. 28th, 2015 08:26 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
llywelaSo my Mum and Dad are currently bird-sitting a cockatiel, which my Nan inherited from her daughter-in-law's father, who died at Christmas. They've got him for the long weekend while Nan is away with her dead old boyfriend's daughter, a pick-me-up ahead of her brother's funeral on Thursday. That's my family for you. He's called Jasper and is about 14 years old, and is a bit stressed out by all the upheaval, but if you sit and talk to him he'll sing and dance for you.
So there's that. But that's not the real news. No, the real news is that I'm going to be an aunt. That's a thing that is happening.
But no, a miracle has not happened for my married older sister and her husband, nor has my clinically depressed brother manifested a girlfriend out of nowhere.
No, this is the teenagers getting themselves into trouble.
Yep, that's right.
Chelsea is 18. Jamie is 19. They are kids - so painfully young for their age. But they're going to have to grow up fast now.
My Mum went absolutely nuts with the doctor when they saw him this week. The thing is, Chelsea has been on the pill since she was 12 because of her heavy periods, but she came off it in November, and the reason she came off it was because she was due for a prescription review, but because she is 18 now the doctor wouldn't let Mum sit in with her, and because Mum couldn't sit in with her Chelsea refused to attend the appointment, because she is autistic and couldn't do it by herself, so because she refused the appointment the doctor cancelled the prescription. Bang. Three months later, she is pregnant. So the doctor is at fault for not recognising and accommodating her needs. But the kids are also at fault because they both had it hammered into them at the time that Chelsea was off the pill and therefore if they were doing anything - which they'd always denied - it was now a much bigger risk. So neither one gets to wiggle out of any responsibility. They knew. The bucks stops there.
But, well, it's done. All we can do now is look forward.
I'm actually kind of proud of my family. Because, you know, we're the respectable, chapel-going sort wherein teenage unmarried pregnancy should be the end of the world, but Mum is already knitting, and when Dad was told his first words weren't condemnation or criticism of any kind but, "But I'm retiring – we'll have less money!" and my clinically depressed brother who only works part-time and has never achieved independence and clashes with Chelsea regularly immediately offered to look for full-time work to help financially, and, well, we're just rolling with it. Mum and I went shopping today and bought a few little bits to put away in the baby box and did some preliminary pricing up of prams and paraphernalia.
Welcome to the family, jellybean.
Chelsea is particularly upset because she'd always promised herself she would do better than her birth mother, and now she is pregnant at the same age. Yet she is already doing better than her birth mother ever did. J always used to say that having a baby should change your life but that she never let it change hers. Chelsea is already putting the baby first in ways J never did. She stopped smoking the moment she had suspicions (not that she'd ever actually admitted to smoking, but she did, and now she's stopped). She's trying to eat healthily, drinking gallons of milk - absolutely petrified that she might lose it. "I didn't want it, but I don't want it to die," she keeps saying. She also said, "My teenage years are over now, aren't they? From now on, everything I do, I will always have to think about the baby first – I already do."
Poor kid. She's still such a kid - so immature, so volatile. Autistic. The teenage years are supposedly the hardest for people with autism, girls especially, because of the hormonal changes - so add pregnancy hormones on top...
And my poor parents. This is not what they were supposed to be doing with their retirement.
But there it is.
So there's that. But that's not the real news. No, the real news is that I'm going to be an aunt. That's a thing that is happening.
But no, a miracle has not happened for my married older sister and her husband, nor has my clinically depressed brother manifested a girlfriend out of nowhere.
No, this is the teenagers getting themselves into trouble.
Yep, that's right.
Chelsea is 18. Jamie is 19. They are kids - so painfully young for their age. But they're going to have to grow up fast now.
My Mum went absolutely nuts with the doctor when they saw him this week. The thing is, Chelsea has been on the pill since she was 12 because of her heavy periods, but she came off it in November, and the reason she came off it was because she was due for a prescription review, but because she is 18 now the doctor wouldn't let Mum sit in with her, and because Mum couldn't sit in with her Chelsea refused to attend the appointment, because she is autistic and couldn't do it by herself, so because she refused the appointment the doctor cancelled the prescription. Bang. Three months later, she is pregnant. So the doctor is at fault for not recognising and accommodating her needs. But the kids are also at fault because they both had it hammered into them at the time that Chelsea was off the pill and therefore if they were doing anything - which they'd always denied - it was now a much bigger risk. So neither one gets to wiggle out of any responsibility. They knew. The bucks stops there.
But, well, it's done. All we can do now is look forward.
I'm actually kind of proud of my family. Because, you know, we're the respectable, chapel-going sort wherein teenage unmarried pregnancy should be the end of the world, but Mum is already knitting, and when Dad was told his first words weren't condemnation or criticism of any kind but, "But I'm retiring – we'll have less money!" and my clinically depressed brother who only works part-time and has never achieved independence and clashes with Chelsea regularly immediately offered to look for full-time work to help financially, and, well, we're just rolling with it. Mum and I went shopping today and bought a few little bits to put away in the baby box and did some preliminary pricing up of prams and paraphernalia.
Welcome to the family, jellybean.
Chelsea is particularly upset because she'd always promised herself she would do better than her birth mother, and now she is pregnant at the same age. Yet she is already doing better than her birth mother ever did. J always used to say that having a baby should change your life but that she never let it change hers. Chelsea is already putting the baby first in ways J never did. She stopped smoking the moment she had suspicions (not that she'd ever actually admitted to smoking, but she did, and now she's stopped). She's trying to eat healthily, drinking gallons of milk - absolutely petrified that she might lose it. "I didn't want it, but I don't want it to die," she keeps saying. She also said, "My teenage years are over now, aren't they? From now on, everything I do, I will always have to think about the baby first – I already do."
Poor kid. She's still such a kid - so immature, so volatile. Autistic. The teenage years are supposedly the hardest for people with autism, girls especially, because of the hormonal changes - so add pregnancy hormones on top...
And my poor parents. This is not what they were supposed to be doing with their retirement.
But there it is.
![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
no subject
Date: 2015-02-28 09:16 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2015-02-28 10:17 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2015-02-28 09:20 pm (UTC)(I always say that to expectant people, because no one said it to me)
But you get there. The support worker in me is fascinated by how she'll cope with it - it's not something we cover in training and we should. All our female clients are on the pill. The doctor needs reported as he knew the situation.
but it all works out when bub arrives. is the father neurotypical?
no subject
Date: 2015-02-28 10:16 pm (UTC)The father is...complicated. Jamie has no diagnosed disabilities. He comes from what on paper looks like a stable home: two parents, both in work, older siblings. But the parents, although perfectly pleasant, are...kind of neglectful. Jamie was pretty much raised by his older sister, who virtually severed all contact the moment she got married. My other sister, who taught special needs for years, says that if she'd had him in her class she'd have diagnosed him as lack of nurture - nothing wrong with his brain, but he wasn't nurtured, wasn't stimulated, and is stunted as a result. He's scared of everything!
They've been together, off and on, for almost four years. Chelsea was still not quite 15 when she met him and she's never looked sideways at anyone else. He's not been as faithful, which is why the off and on - he'll flirt with any girl who makes eyes at him, because he was neglected as a child and looks for love anywhere he can get it. But he's always come back to her, and they've been steady now for over a year. There's a connection there that can't be denied.
But they're so young!
Chelsea is going to be a neurotic mother, we already know that! She's very particular about stuff.
no subject
Date: 2015-02-28 11:07 pm (UTC)I'm surprised the doctor wouldn't allow anyone in with Chelsea - as far as I know everyone's entitled to have someone else in appointments with them, it's just that they can choose not to, and that should be respected. ... In fact there's something very odd there, because here's the NHS official advice for when you book an appointment: "When you see the doctor, bring a friend or relative if you're worried. Research shows that we forget half of what we're told by the doctor when we're stressed, so having a friend with you can help."
Anyway - all the best to you all, and through all the difficult bits, I hope you're able to enjoy the little fun ones, like stocking up the baby box! *g*
no subject
Date: 2015-02-28 11:07 pm (UTC)I know it's going to be really tough on all of you, Chelsea and everyone else. -hugs-
no subject
Date: 2015-03-01 01:21 pm (UTC)That doctor does sound like they were being very irresponsible. I mean, teenagers are sometimes, regardless of whether they should or shouldn't be, but a doctor who can't accommodate someone's special needs is another whole issue. :-/
no subject
Date: 2015-03-02 12:23 am (UTC)Thats a shame that Chelsea has this new responsibility upon her, but perhaps it will give her new focus in life. I am glad your parents are so positive with the new addition on the way. Wishing everyone lots of luck! *hugs*
no subject
Date: 2015-03-05 08:16 am (UTC)On the plus side, you're a strong family. You'll all be there for her.
Carol
no subject
Date: 2015-03-05 02:00 pm (UTC)