llywela | (no subject)

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I have to keep chasing that 3-legged cat Ludoh away from the flat. It's nice that he wants to make friends, but he really intimidates Poppy, and I can't have him muscling in on her turf and making her uncomfortable in her own home - bad enough that he keeps cornering her in the car park. I've never seen him attack her in any way, but he does chase her at times, and also has a bad habit of just sitting around, close enough that she won't move from wherever she is hiding until he is gone. *sigh* These territorial animals, huh!

It was my parents' wedding anniversary yesterday, 36 years, so I took them and Small out for a meal. Unfortunately, what should have been a pleasant, celebratory occasion was rather dampened by the fact that Small had got herself into a lot of trouble for mitching off school and was still very wound up about being in trouble. She just...doesn't understand why it is such a big deal, and nothing anyone says seems to sink in. Apparently, Small and another girl had decided to mitch off class together and managed to get out of the school grounds. A massive search was launched for them, but when the teachers spotted them out in the street, Small actually ran away from them. She got into huge trouble, is on detention every break time from now until the end of term, and has to have a member of staff escorting her around at all times. They would consider suspension if they thought she would consider it a punishment, but she wouldn't. She'd just be glad to have the time off. And she doesn't understand that what she did wrong - she knows it was against the rules and that everyone is angry with her for it, but she doesn't understand any of the reasoning. She just didn't want to go to class, so she decided not to, because she can only see things from her own point of view - there is no empathy there at all for anyone else. She can't see all the ways in which it was wrong and caused a lot of stress and worry for other people. Getting into trouble just made her angry and belligerent, and she completely failed to see why a reluctant and unwilling apology failed to instantly restore harmony. I could go on to explain in greater depth, but...it wearies me just thinking how to try to put all her little quirks and challenging behaviours into words. Suffice it to say, she is very hard work at times. My poor Mum is so exhausted.

In other news, the fifth series of New Tricks starts up next Monday. Yay! Probably hardly anyone on my f-list knows what that is, and I haven't seen every episode of the previous four seasons, but I really love the show. It is made by the BBC and is about a female police superintendent who works on cold cases with the help - and sometimes hindrance - of three retired coppers. It is quirky and funny and touching, and has an amazing cast and fabulous character dynamics, and I'm really looking forward to the new series. Especially since everything else I watch will be on hiatus after Doctor Who finishes this weekend!

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To me it sounds like Ludoh has the hots for Poppy ;)

She's been spayed! *G* I think it's a territory thing - he lives right next door and has always prowled the car park, but never came close to the house until Poppy started playing out. So he's intrigued by this newcomer, and is trying to play at the alpha male thing, to take control of her territory. And I'm having to chase him out of the flat all the time!

Cats, eh!

::: HUGS :::

I love New Tricks ... hope it comes on Down Under again.

I'm sure if they have aired the previous seasons, you'll get to see this one, as well. It's such a good show.

Territorial animals would piss me off a lot more without human male territoriality to compare, LOL!
But yes, looks like Ludoh is making crystal clear "who's the boss"
Sorry about your sister. Autistic childs are really hard, because looks like you never could touch them, reach them, no matter how hard you try.
And YAY! for New Tricks! I love that show, but then, I've a thing for British shows =D

I think in a way it would be easier if Small was more severely autistic, because there would be more help. Because she always tests on the borderlines, she doesn't get the amount of support she really needs, and we all suffer for it. Because in many ways she is pretty normal, but there is so much that she doesn't understand - and never will understand. She is always going to struggle to get by.

New Tricks is great, isn't it :)

It must be very hard for your parents, and at the same time, very confusing for Small. :(

I *cannot wait* for New Tricks. I'm unbelievably excited about it!! :D

It is just so hard to talk to her about issues like this. She gets so worked up. You'll be trying to explain to her why she mustn't do it again, but she won't listen because she's too busy being agitated.
"I said I'm sorry, why are you still cross? It's over now."
"Yes, I'm glad you're sorry, but I need to know that you understand why you mustn't..."
"No, you're still angry. Why are you still angry? You have to be happy now, it's over. Say that you're happy. It's over now, isn't it? It's all over, so you're happy."

And she isn't really sorry about what she did. She's sorry that she was caught and that she got into trouble, and just wants to go through the motions of saying what we want to hear so she can forget it ever happened, and shuts down all attempt at conversation by misunderstanding, getting agitated and shouting. She is very hard work.

New Tricks is fabulous. I'm looking forward to it so much.

I ditched every single day of PE for like 3/4 of my first year of high school.

That did NOT go well.

LOL Yeah, truancy was pretty common in my school as well.

It is different with Small, though. When a highly vulnerable special needs child goes AWOL, all hell tends to break loose!

Our neighbors recently got a pit bull, who has taken it upon himself to come hang out in our yard everyday. He seems to be a total sweetheart (his name's Spike...of course) and really gets along with my sister's little mutt puppy and my beagle, but I still get nervous at having him around. Animals just don't seem to understand the concept of "property lines."

Poor Small. It's hardly her fault that she can't understand....yet you can't excuse her behavior and let her get away with everything. It's a frustrating situation all around. I think I've said this before, but she's lucky to have you and your family and people in her life who are willing to put in the time and energy to work with her, even if it isn't always pretty. Not every child in her situation is that lucky.

I just reread my comment after I posted, and realized that this:

yet you can't excuse her behavior and let her get away with everything.

Made me sound like I was accusing you of doing that. I don't mean it that way, I meant for it to be sympathetic. Just wanted to clarify. *G*

Ludoh seems like a sweet little cat. He just keeps coming into the flat, and keeps chasing Poppy or just sitting around staring at her so that she won't make a move. So I can't encourage him, have to keep chasing him away.

And it's okay - I understood what you mean. Small can't help not understanding, but that doesn't mean inappropriate behaviour can be tolerated. It is just really difficult to find sanctions that work, or explanations that make her understand the implications of something enough to not do it again. Man, the circular arguments last night! Trying to just make her see that this wasn't something that could be forgotten about immediately, while she was just flipping out about it being over now and wanting to pretend it never happened.

Our neighbours use a SuperSoaker on unwanted cats - very effective!!

It must be so frustrating for you and the school that Small doesn't understand the implications of playing truant and won't discuss it rationally. Hopefully the palavar and sanctions that her behaviour caused will be enough to stop her doing it again.

I'm realy looking forward to New Tricks being back. :D

It must be so frustrating for you and the school that Small doesn't understand the implications of playing truant and won't discuss it rationally. Hopefully the palavar and sanctions that her behaviour caused will be enough to stop her doing it again.
Tremendously frustrating. She has played truant once before from a lesson - hid under the stair well for 45 minutes - but getting off the school site is new and worrying. And she got into a lot of trouble last time, but all that completely slipped her mind when she got it into her head to try again.

*sigh*

Sorry about things with Small. It must be so difficult for you and your parents and her. I have a lot of sympathy for the mitching school thing, but I know it must have been sooo worrying for everyone involved and must be difficult to deal with her when she doesn't understand the effect it had.

Thanks, hon. Not wanting to go to a lesson is completely understandable! But for a vulnerable special needs pupil to go missing causes no end of worry and trouble. And it is less because she is desperate to avoid a particular lesson and more because she gets an idea in her head and has to follow it regardless of any other considerations.

It must be so frustrating for all of you :( Hopefully with this punishment she may see the concequences of her actions. *hugs*

Thanks, Kel.

That's most frustrating is that her disability isn't profound, so a lot of the time she can be perfectly normal and reasonable, but then you hit these brick walls, and it isn't that she's being deliberately obtuse, it's that she genuinely just doesn't get it. And that can be hard. But we persevere.

I'm so sorry about Small. I take it that they don't have any special programs for her because she is autistic.

Is it better or worse that she is getting older? I mean, do you feel any bit better that she is getting old enough ton take a little more care of herself when alone. Or is it that now she's getting big enough that she can get into bigger trouble. I really don't have experience with autism and wish I had any suggestions for you. *hugs*

My love to you and your family.

Hi, hon. Thanks.

Small is in a mainstream school, but does receive extra support because she has a statement of special educational needs. The statement isn't adequate for her needs, and is being contested by my parents and the school at the moment - the statement only allows for five hours of support a week, paid for by the local education authority, but the school had employed a full-time support assistant out of their own budget because of Small. It is an excellent school, and the best place for her out of the available option. She does have a lot of support in place. It just isn't quite enough, and that is down to the LEA not wanting to pay for more. The main difficulty is that although she tests on the autistic spectrum, her disability isn't profound. Which should be a good thing, but in fact being on the borderline just makes her all the more vulnerable - she isn't disabled enough to qualify for special programmes or extra support, but she is disabled enough that she will always be incredibly vulnerable.

It is getting worse as she gets older, definitely. She sees other children her age having a lot more freedom, and wants it too, but isn't able to cope with it. She's going through puberty, but isn't mature enough to deal with all those changes. She is old enough to get herself into a lot of trouble, but not responsible enough to make the right choices. And this is at 12 - it is terrifying to think what she'll be like at 15/16! So we just soldier on and do our best, and hope to keep her grounded enough to get by.

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