llywela | "So, when do we go on this little magical mystery tour?"

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"So, when do we go on this little magical mystery tour?"

This has been a busy week, what with one thing and another. It isn't going to get any less busy, either. Tomorrow I have to get up at the crack of dawn in order to get into town to catch the megabus to London at 7.30am. I'm going to see the Terracotta Army at the British Museum with my family. It was originally going to be just me and Mum - we always try to have a day out together every year, just the two of us. We usually take in a flower show - it was Hampton Court Palace last year - but this year we decided on the Terracotta Army, while the exhibition is on this side of the globe. But then the rest of the family jumped on the bandwagon, so suddenly our mother-daughter outing has become a day for the entire family! It's going to be a long day. To catch the bus at 7.30, I'll have to leave by 6.50am. We probably won't get back into Cardiff until gone 11pm. But it should be a really great day.

Must remember to set up the DV-R for Ashes to Ashes.

Luckily I've taken the day off on Friday, as well. I've got a man coming to scrap my car - that old bomb my sister gave me two years ago that turned out to be about three times the size of the one I was learning to drive in and scared me too much to attempt to move ever. It's just been sitting there gathering rust ever since, so now I'm getting rid of it.

Man, the recap for this week's Supernatural really hated me. It did not want to be written, at all. I suspect my general business with work and job hunting and family commitments and whatnot had something to do with this. Plus stress, of course. It still managed to hit 30 pages, though! I'm not entirely happy with it - it could do with some polishing, still, but I don't have time before the next episode. I just couldn't seem to express myself properly this week. So I hope what I've written makes sense!

To read the recap, click the link below:

"No one can save you because you don't want to be saved."

The episode header was made using caps by

marishna. There aren't any illustrative graphics again this week - I just don't have time to sit and make them at the moment. Maybe some other time I'll come back and edit them in.

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See, I don't know what you were worrying about! Damn fine recap. *hugs* I don't really have that much to say, since we already talked about this episode in length. *g*

Sometimes the lack of subtleness in the confrontation between dream!Dean and Dean is a bit irritating, but the fierceness in which the anger is unloaded is always great to watch. I think catharsis is exactly the right word for it, it is purifying for Dean and that makes that scene so extremely important. I've seen people complain that Dean's issues become repetitiv and that he needs so move on and it saddens me that those people don't realise that that's exactly what Dean is doing in this scene.

As a sidenote: I love how gorgeously underplayed, quiet and subtle the end scene between the boys is in comparison to the dream scene. It's the quiet scenes in this episode (the bar talk between Sam and Dean, the hospital scenes between Bobby and Dean, the end scene) that really make this episode for me in the end.

*rushes in quickly before rushing out*

Sometimes the lack of subtleness in the confrontation between dream!Dean and Dean is a bit irritating, but the fierceness in which the anger is unloaded is always great to watch. I think catharsis is exactly the right word for it, it is purifying for Dean and that makes that scene so extremely important. I've seen people complain that Dean's issues become repetitiv and that he needs so move on and it saddens me that those people don't realise that that's exactly what Dean is doing in this scene.
Heh. It is a bit heavy-handed, but it's what Dean needed - lets face it, he was never going to break down like that in front of someone else, lease of all Sam, however much we might enjoy such a h/c moment. He needed this catharsis in order to face up to everything he's been repressing for so many years, and it was a huge breakthrough.

As a sidenote: I love how gorgeously underplayed, quiet and subtle the end scene between the boys is in comparison to the dream scene. It's the quiet scenes in this episode (the bar talk between Sam and Dean, the hospital scenes between Bobby and Dean, the end scene) that really make this episode for me in the end.
Quiet, beautiful scenes. Gorgeous.

Yep, to everything you said! You know, someone pointed out how appropriate and sad at the same time it is, that Bobby's inner world was presented in his open and friendly home, while Dean's inner world was represented by a motel floor full of closed doors. There's something enormously sad about that image, a symbol for never having a real home to begin with and hiding so many pains and memories from himself, keep them hidden behind the doors of his mind, in order to function. *hugs Dean*

Yay for symbolism, huh. No home for Dean's mind to retreat to :(

I could start to ramble on about the symbolsim of Bobby's house, the scene of his personal tragedy not abandoned, as John abandoned Lawrence, but retained as not just a reminder of that tragedy but also for the happy memories it had previously held, something for him to hold on to, a home base, providing continuity in his new life. That kind of continuity and stability is what the Winchesters never had. And...okay I kind of did ramble on there, but not as in depth as I could have!

I love that middle picture in that banner for some reason! *loves*

The whole Dean/evil!Dean scene kind of broke my heart. Dean's issues are so deep and painful! And he didn't deserve any of it.

I do sometimes wonder, when the boys were growing up, how Dean dealt with Sam and their father in terms of "Sam should listen to me," because I know Dean would have done what John told him to, but I also think there would have been that part of him that resented it, that resented John coming in and trying to "take over" being Dad for Sam when he was around and then just bailing all the time. It must have been hard for Sam too. I'm sure Dean had all kinds of conflicted feelings growing up stuck in the middle, never able to just stay on an even keel and be either dad or brother, having to switch around constantly.

I also wonder what went on that, at the beginning of S1, Sam thought his dad hated him and Dean apparently thought John doted on Sam. Because that's a huge chasm of difference. I know John bragged about Sam to people, amd maybe he didn't really with Dean? *ponders that* I want more wee!chesters!!!!!!!

"Your own father didn't care if you lived or died! Why should you?"

And that's what I don't get. John sold his soul to save Dean's life, so why would Dean think that? Is it something left over from before that incident? Something so deep-seated(sp?) that even his dad going to hell for him isn't able to get rid of it?

My dad was an obsessed bastard
And as much as I love John, I think he had the same kind of blinders on that Sam does sometimes: physical well-being is the most important thing, with emotional well-being kind of on the back burner, when it comes down to it. Like in the last ep, where Dean was dying, and instead of staying with Dean, Sam went charging after the witches. Which made sense, since he knew if he stopped them he saved Dean's life. But he left his brother alone to bleed to death on the floor. It's kind of like they're willing to put the little things on hold in favor of the big picture, and Dean thrives on the little things. And for John the first thing that had to be done was kill the demon, and then they could go about picking the pieces up. And it wasn't healthy, for 22 years of his children's lives, because 22 years is 22 years of damage, most of which can't really be fixed.

And I am so, so glad that Dean was finally able to admit that he doesn't want to die and go to hell, and that he told Sam, and that Sam will start fighting to keep him again.

*sneaks online for 5 minutes when I should be getting ready to catch that bus*

I also wonder what went on that, at the beginning of S1, Sam thought his dad hated him and Dean apparently thought John doted on Sam. Because that's a huge chasm of difference. I know John bragged about Sam to people, amd maybe he didn't really with Dean? *ponders that* I want more wee!chesters!!!!!!!
Just another sign of John's shaky parenting that he managed to leave both sons believing that he favoured the other! Dean because he saw John placing such emphasis on Sam's safety, while heaping nothing but responsibility and over-expectation onto his shoulders, and Sam because he saw John holding Dean up as the standard to which he must strive but never quite felt able to achieve, not least because he never had the same kind of motivation that Dean did.

John sold his soul to save Dean's life, so why would Dean think that? Is it something left over from before that incident? Something so deep-seated(sp?) that even his dad going to hell for him isn't able to get rid of it?
I'm gonna guess...Faith. Dean was dying, not just injured, but dying, and John never called back. Now, he might have been wrapped up in a job or something, but that shouldn't have stopped him anxiously checking in later to find out if he was all right. John might have considered contact too dangerous, except that he'd contacted the boys by text and then telephone on the last two episodes in a row to send them on jobs. We know from Salvation that it really hurt Dean that his father had never called to find out how he was. He's possibly also thinking about all those other dangerous jobs John so cryptically sent him on without touching base later to find out how they went, any one of which could have cost his and Sam's life, and the fact that John placed his quest for revenge ahead of his sons' wellbeing for 22 years, but I'm guessing Faith is at the root of it. IMTOD was too little too late, and the damage was already done.

It's kind of like they're willing to put the little things on hold in favor of the big picture, and Dean thrives on the little things.
Mmhmm. John and Sam was so very alike. They both look at the problem, often to the exclusion of all else, while Dean looks at the person, often to the exclusion of all else.

Gotta go.

Edited 2008-02-14 06:09 (UTC)

I'm sneaking on when my internet works - for some reason I get maybe half an hour on every few hours, and the rest of the time it doesn't work!

I'm also curious to see if Sam "dreamwalking" WAS part of the whole psychic thing, because he shouldn't have been able to affect Dean's dream, I don't think. Not the second time he did that, esp. considering he couldn't do anything at all the first time. I'm thinking his "gifts" gave him a boost.

*tries to understand the plotting* I think Sam's taking the dreamroot gave him the same power that Jeremy had to manipulate the dreamscape, he just had to tap into it and figure out how. I'm not too sure of the mechanics, though, if his latent psychic abilities gave him more control, if Jeremy's Charcot-Willebrand thing equally made him more able to control it, or what.

Honestly I'm not completely convinced the writers knew what they were doing on that one. Maybe time and episodes will tell!

BTW, I know you get your SPN off torrents, but the community

dean_sam has like 3 different posts with direct download links! (I usually use torrents too, but with my weird connection thing lately I decided to use those instead, and it was pretty fast!)

Cheers for the heads up. I usually go with the torrent, if it's up nice and early, but there are a couple of other places I know I can go for more direct links, failing that - always good to know of more just in case!

For like 2 days afterward there's always new download links for new episodes. People miss it or like me just like to have it in case I want to watch again. So if you're having issues or whatever, there ya go!

PS - did you know there's HQ versions?? A regular download of SPN is around 350 MB but the HQ version is over 1 GB!

I've seen the HQ versions, yeah, and dl'd one or two, but not as a general rule because they're so huge and I only have so much space on my harddrive! Gorgeous to have, though.

Me, I await the DVD release with great anticipation...

Hey, I hope you don't mind me butting in here ;)

And that's what I don't get. John sold his soul to save Dean's life, so why would Dean think that? Is it something left over from before that incident? Something so deep-seated(sp?) that even his dad going to hell for him isn't able to get rid of it?
I think that's easily explained: Remember when Dean asks Bobby how Jeremy knew how to produce Bobby's biggest nightmare and Bobby stated that he just rummaged around in his head, bringing it up. The confrontation with dream!Dean was after all initiated by Jeremy and I think he just brought up thoughts and memories that were especially hurtful for Dean, no matter of when they manifested in Dean's brain. I am with Jo here, that dream!Dean just brings out Dean's insecurity over John never calling when he was dying. We see in 'In My Time Of Dying' that Dean believed at that point that John didn't care enough to do anything to save him. I think it all rooted back in the events of Faith. It's a memory that preceded John's sacrifice for Dean's life, so it doesn't mean that he still believes that now. :)

I don't mind at all! I will never understand why John didn't show up in Faith, because there was no way he knew for sure that Dean would live. That was just not right.

I don't understand it either and to be honest, no matter what his reasons were to not contact Sam right away, there's simply no excuse that I would accept for never even trying afterwards to ask for Dean. John was immensely closed off and emotionally repressed at times and we see the fallout of that especially in Dean. :(

It isn't even John's not showing up that bugs me, because he could have genuinely been tied up somehow or in danger himself. It's the fact that he never called back later I cannot forgive. I keep seeing fic and meta writers trying to make excuses for him, like having him be the person who covertly got the information about the faith healer to Sam - impossible, since Sam waited until he'd found the faith healer before he even tried to tell John about Dean's condition. Or by having him hurrying to watch over his sons but not letting them know he's there, stuff like that, which I find of no comfort at all because it just makes him look like more of a jerk - comforting himself but leaving them to suffer alone. Bottom line is that no matter what he was doing at the time, he should have got in touch at the first possible opportunity, even if by then he'd already had a second message to say that Dean was okay again. There's no excuse for just ignoring the situation, and it's hardly surprising that it would add to all those other times of neglect to convince Dean that his father really didn't care about him except inasmuch as he was useful to him. :(

I love John. I can forgive a lot. But the thing is, those explanations don't put him into a good light. At all. He shows up when he needs the boys' help, but if THEY need HIM? More often than not, finding the Demon was just more important. And that's a flaw people need to learn to live with, because it's an integral part of John's character.

I love John. I can forgive a lot.
Ditto. Or...I can understand a lot, if not forgive. In much the same way that throughout season one we see Dean understanding and making allowances whenever his dad did something hurtful, like phone for the first time in months only to start barking cryptic clues rather than saying anything like 'good to hear your voice, son, sorry about taking off like that, hope you're keeping okay, something's come up that I can't handle - can you take care of it for me?' The way John handled passing on that case in Scarecrow bugs me because it's so unnecessary. There's no reason for him not to have an actual conversation with his son, however brief, but instead he chooses the path of a commanding officer setting a challenge for a subordinate, rather than a father - or even a colleague who respects his working partner enough to communicate properly with him!

And that's a flaw people need to learn to live with, because it's an integral part of John's character.
EXACTLY! John was a good man, but he was deeply flawed, and the show has consistenyl portrayed him in this way for a reason. There's just no sense in trying to deny it, better to understand him for who he was and move on.

I think part of John's problem was when the boys were little he treated them, or at least Dean, more like soldiers than sons, and now that they're grown up, he just finds it easier to still treat them as soldiers. I'm not sure he ever really learned to treat them as ONLY sons, not just soldiers too.

John started to take Dean for granted very early on - I think the show has made that clear. And because Dean when he was very young became so accustomed to understanding why his dad behaved the way he did and to making excuses for him, he completely missed out on the fact that he deserved and was entitled to a hell of a lot better.

Just a really messed up family, in fact.

Doozy of an episode indeed! I have absolutely nothing to say, my brain is fried from too much despair and angst and brotherly man!pain.

I do want to say 'thank you' for taking the time to do these in-depth episode reviews. As much as I love Show, I have a tendency to sometimes space out during the exposition scenes, and I tend to miss out on important plot points as a result. I always understand the episode better after reading your take on things. So, thanks!

Brain fry I can totally relate to!

And you're welcome. I really enjoy writing these - it's how I cement my understanding of events, etc. I'm a little more pressed for time this last coupld of weeks, though, so I'm not sure how much longer I'll be able to crank the full recap out before the next episode airs. We'll have to see how it goes - job applications are going to have to come first, alas!

No worries, I absolutely understand RL stuff getting in the way sometimes! *L*

If I haven't said it already, good luck with the job search.

Thanks for the thought. :)

This squee is for 3x11:

OMGOMGOMGI♥IT!!!!! (No spoilers!)

And happy Valentine's Day! (Sorry this is so late, my internet finally came back a little.)

Happy belated Valentine's back atcha.

*sets download running*

Be back to respond to other comments later.

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"So, when do we go on this little magical mystery tour?"

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